Category: Education

3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR KID OVERCOME THEIR SEPARATION ANXIETY

May 8, 2022 Return

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

LET THE CHILD IN EARLY ON WHAT THEY CAN EXPECT AT SCHOOL, AND MAKE IT SEEM FUN AND EXCITING

One way to reduce your child’s separation anxiety, Dr Yong advises, is to let them know in advance what being in a classroom will be like.

“Make it sound exciting instead of fearful,” she says. “Use phrases such as ‘You are so lucky’ to reduce your child’s worries.”

SEND YOUR CHILD OFF AND BE THERE WHEN SCHOOL DAY IS OVER

If you drop your child off at school, do so at the same time every day if possible.

Also, Dr Yong advises being there early when picking up your child, so that they won’t have to wait all alone in a strange environment.

The same applies if your child takes a bus or private chartered vehicle to school. Send off your child when the vehicle arrives, and be there with a smile when your child gets out of the vehicle at the end of a school day.

This routine will let your child find comfort in knowing that Mommy or Daddy will always be there for them no matter what happens at school.

OFFER HUGS AND KISSES, BUT WITHOUT FANFARE.

You can ease your child’s separation anxiety at the start of the day by developing a simple goodbye ritual, such as a kiss on the cheek or a hug.

However, some children may take the opportunity to cry and act up when it’s time to be temporarily separated from their parents.

If your child does this, don’t cave in no matter how much your heart breaks to do so. Just calmly walk away once your child is safely in the care of their teacher.

Don’t worry—you likely won’t be causing great emotional distress in your child by leaving without fanfare. Dr Yong shares that some teachers had confided in her on how some teary-eyed children would quickly calm down and even get along well with other children shortly after their parents had left!

HOWEVER, A CAVEAT

If you notice after a few weeks that your child still resists going to school, or acts in other ways to suggest that their time at school wasn’t going well, these could be warning signs that your child may be subjected to bullying by their classmates or harsh treatment from the teacher.

You should make some discreet enquiries or consult the school principal to look further into this matter.

Deal or no deal?

May 8, 2022 Return

Negotiating with kids can result in a win-win situation.

Negotiations are part and parcel of the corporate world. A good discussion results in a win-win situation, an understanding that is mutually beneficial as it is binding. The benefits of bargaining can actually go beyond the boardroom, as something that can get moms and kids on the same page when it comes to things such as new purchases, homework and TV time.

Boardroom tactics

Ros Fajardo, mom to 9-year old Russ, put this into practice when they drew up a list of daily activities for the boy to follow during the school year. “We agreed that there will be no gadgets from Monday to Thursday. But, if he finishes his homework and [worksheets] before bedtime, he can have 30 minutes of playtime. I wanted to impress on him that time well managed means more time for play,” explains the key accounts manager.

She admits having an ulterior motive in asking for Russ’ help with the timetable. “Actually, there was no consensus really in the beginning. I just presented it so he’d buy into it. In my ranking of important activities, I prioritize academic performance, so I needed to put in place blocks of time per activity,” she shares.

Russ balked at the negotiation stage, grumbling about the chunk of time set aside for studying, but Ros held her ground. “Although a child may resent the [schedule], take away the routine and he’ll feel lost and out of his element. At this point of the negotiation, consistency is key. As a parent, you need to build your credibility,” she says. Her bottom line, more than getting high marks in school, was teaching a value. “I wanted to teach him, ‘Don’t expect life to be easy, so better be ready for it. Hard work will get you place. You cannot feel entitled to everything.”

What to haggle on

Opening the floor for discussion is encouraged by Winston Jerome Luna, vice president for academic affairs at St. Jerome School in Novaliches and St. Jerome Science Montessori in Caloocan, Philippines. “Involving kids [in] decision making [for] certain things that concern them gives them the ability to freely express and communicate their issues, feelings and dilemmas to the parent. In the long run, this open line of communication will serve as a solid foundation in the relationship between parent and child,” he says.

There are certain things that Winston says are non-negotiable: anything that concerns rules of law or health and safety are definitely off the table. “Leisure and rewards can be negotiated,” he adds, further stating that negotiable points include those that promote growth, challenge kids to be better people, make them productive and give them the energy for excellence.

Winston gives his own thoughts about creating a winning resolution when negotiating with a school-going child: “A win-win situation is a state where both parties are happy and agreeable. This can be achieved by setting the platform ahead of time. Kids should understand clearly what is [or isn’t] negotiable … Kids will understand and accept decisions that are non-negotiable and they would know as well when to ask for more or disagree on things.”

The bottom line is yours

Establishing open communication and boundaries at the same time can create a win-win setup. Maridel Saguil-Regala imprinted this fact early in her 4 children. “Even when they were toddlers, I would explain why I was doing certain things, like, I would put them on an elevated surface while I mopped the floors to make it clean enough for them to play on. I also told them that if they moved around too much, they will fall and hurt themselves,” she shares. This was her way of making them understand that what she does always has a reason – primarily, it’s to look out for them.

As they grew older, she says this openness has helped her set the tone for their discussions. She says, “If my 13-year old, for example, wants to go to the mall with her friends, and there are chores that need to be done in the house, she understands why those chores should come first.” Early training is important, because kids today have become experts at wheedling and cajoling, courtesy of what they see on TV. Parents have to listen to reason, but must stand firm on decisions, or else the kids will walk all over them.

Winston underscores the value of teaching kids to operate within some form of family democracy. “Negotiation plays an important role in life. The best negotiators are often the one who can get the best in any of their endeavours. If parents practice this at home, kids will have a bigger chance to succeed, since they’re trained to analyze and give their input at a young age. Training them in this aspect allows them to practice critical thinking and expand their understanding and reasoning abilities,” he explains.
Dialogues are now taking place in modern parenting, where kids can express their views, and parents allow for negotiations – but still have the final say. Think of it as training your kids to deal with conflict resolution with an open mind and diplomacy.

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Getting Your Kids to Eat Right at School

May 8, 2022 Return

Smart eating is all about eating right in order to lead a healthy lifestyle. It is also easier to do than most people think – even kids can do it with the right advice and support from their parents!

Now that the kids are off to school, parents should ensure that their children continue to eat healthily. You may be wondering, “My kids are in school! How can I watch over what they are eating?” Well, here are some tips to help parents like you get started.

Make time for breakfast

Breakfast recharges your children, restoring their energy and vital nutrients after a night of sleep. This means better learning and improved school performance. There is also less chances of them overeating during recess.

Prepare meals in advance using simple ingredients that can be refrigerated and re-heated, if necessary, e.g. sandwiches.
Stock-up some healthy breakfast food choices such as a cup of yogurt or small packet of milk, for a “grab and go” breakfast when your child is in a hurry.
Cook in bulk during weekends and pre-packing them for easy preparation and consumption throughout the week. It takes only a short while to reheat the foods in the morning.
If your children have problems waking up in time to catch their transportation to school, prepare their breakfast in a container for them to eat while on the way to school or before the school starts.

Help them get the most out of lunch

One of the challenges in shaping healthy eating habits among your children can be the type of foods being sold at the school canteen. Depending on the canteen, sometimes the foods sold may be high in fat and sugar content, for example fried foods and sweetened beverages. Soft drinks and sugary foods may also present an irresistible temptation to your children. You can help steer your children in the right direction via the following ways:

Prepare and pack healthy snacks for children to bring to school instead of buying food at the school canteen.
Teach them about healthy food choices so that they can select healthier options when buying canteen foods and choose the less healthy ones as an occasional treat. Some examples:
- Cut down on deep-fried or oily foods as much as possible – instead of kari laksa, for example, go for meehoon sup.
- Drink more plain water, and save sugary beverages for special moments.

Help them manage peer pressure

Ultimately, your children may end up eating unhealthily not because they want to, but because all their school friends are eating such foods. Here are some tips to help your children make healthy eating choices while still fitting in well with their friends. If you practice these tips early, your children may also find it easier to say no to smoking and other unhealthy habits when they are older.

Always be open and communicative with your children. This way, they will be more willing to talk to you when their friends are asking them to do things that they are not comfortable with.
Teach your children to say ‘no’ without feeling like the odd duck out. Instead of just saying no, have your child explain why he or she feels that way. It can be anything from a simple “I don’t like the taste!” to “Too much soft drink can make me fat.”
Help build up your children’s self-esteem, to give them the confidence to say no to things they are uncomfortable with.
- Be supportive and encouraging. You can kill two birds with one stone by leaving feel-good notes inside your children’s lunch boxes – it makes them feel better and gets them more interested in eating what you have prepared for them!
- Let your children understand that it is normal to be a little different from everyone else. Therefore, it is perfectly fine to do things differently (for example, eating food from home during recess instead of buying canteen food). Help them understand that true friends will accept these differences and still love them for who they are.
- Lead by example, and be a positive role model to your children. If they view you as confident, supportive and positive, they will most likely adopt the same attitude when it comes to food as well as life.

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Keeping Junior Safe on the Road

May 8, 2022 Return

Road accidents happen as much as we hate to think about them and as much as we try our best to avoid them. You may be stuck in a massive holiday season-induced jam, your car crawling at a snail’s pace with your children in the back constantly asking “Are we there yet?” when suddenly, the driver of the car behind yours accidentally steps on the accelerator instead of the brake causing his car’s front bumper to ram into your car’s back bumper. Not a great way to start the holidays, right?

Although the above scenario doesn’t sound serious, real-life accidents can be far more costly – and we aren’t just talking about money. Annually, many people, especially children, are killed or injured in car crashes. But while accidents are sometimes beyond our control, we can do our part in minimizing or preventing the harm which occurs.

“We often read about a spike in road accidents during the holidays,” says Consultant Paediatric and Adult Orthopaedic & Trauma Surgeon Dr Ong Shong Meng. “But what saddens me the most is reading about children dying in accidents due to a lack of proper child seats and restraints. According to the Malaysian Institute of Road Safety Research, the usage of appropriate child seats and restraints could have reduced deaths in infants by about 70% and in children aged 1-4 by 54% while injuries in children aged 4-7 could have been lowered by 59%.”

“Children usually have it worse”

Asked about the injuries from which children commonly suffer in motor accidents, Dr Ong explains, “The consequences for kids may be much worse than adults. The head, neck and torso are commonly affected body parts, with head injuries being the most prevalent. Common types of head injury are concussion and skull-based fractures. These are most frequently seen in children aged 1-7.”

Other injuries include:

Rib fractures e.g. lung and thoracic injuries to which children below 1 year old are more prone.
Abdominal injuries i.e. small and large bowel injuries. These encompass injuries of the liver, spleen and kidneys. Kids aged 4-7 are most susceptible.
Upper extremity injuries e.g. elbow and forearm fractures. Kids aged 1-3 are most at risk.
Lower extremity injuries e.g. pelvic, femur and tibia fractures. Children below 1 are most vulnerable.

“Of all these injuries, head injuries are the most worrying. These children may experience neurophysiological issues which may affect their ability to read, write or interact.” This is where booster car seats and restraints come in.

Seat up!

“Having proper booster seats can make the difference between life and death. Parents need to select seats based on their children’s age and size, and of course, the seat must fit properly in their vehicle. Always refer to your vehicle owner’s manual for instructions on how to install booster seats and details like height and weight limits,” Dr Ong emphasises. “Also, remember that your children can use these seats for as long as possible, as long as their height and weight fall within the manufacturer’s requirements.”

Delving further, he says, “The type of seat varies with a child’s age.”

0-2 years: Rear-facing car seat. Infants and toddlers should be buckled into a rear-facing car seat in the back seat. In the event of an accident, a frontal crash component in rear-facing car seats causes the child’s head to move further into the seat’s cocoon while the side wings offer additional protection. Typically for infants/ toddlers who weigh 13 kg or less.

2-5 years: Forward-facing car seat. The child should use this until at least the age of 5 or when they reach the upper weight or height limit of their particular seat. Normally for kids weighing 8-18 kg.

5 years and above: The child must be buckled in a belt-positioning booster seat. For children who weigh 15-36 kg.

“But once the car seat belt fits a child properly, booster seats are no longer required. Parents can tell when the lap belt lies across the upper thighs while the shoulder belt lies across the chest.” He adds, “The safest spot for a booster seat is in the centre of the car back seat, rather than on the sides. Studies show that children seated in the centre rear have a 43% lower risk of injury compared to those in other parts of the car.”

Strap up!

Booster seats are important but so are restraints. Dr Ong offers tips:

Seatbelt straps must be tight so much so that the seats cannot move more than an inch by themselves.
Ensure there are no twists in the seatbelts and harness straps.
The car seat’s base must be at the correct reclining angle.
Carrier straps must be tight and the harness clip should be at the same level with the child’s shoulders or armpits.
Buckle the child into the seat before placing a blanket over the harness.
The straps should be snug with no more than 1-finger space.
If there is a gap between the buckle and the child’s groin, place a rolled washcloth or diaper in the space after they have been securely fastened into the seat.

Dr Ong concludes, “Accidents may be inevitable sometimes but providing your children with the right booster seat and restraints can save their life. So, travel safely and wisely this holiday.”

Airbags: friend or fiend?

Airbags are meant to provide protection and restraint during accidents but they can also be life-threatening. He says, “It’s advisable for kids to sit in the rear, especially those below 14 years old. Airbags inflate almost immediately upon impact (as quickly as 20 milliseconds) and expands at about 257 km/h. Not to mention, children’s bones and muscles are still developing and can easily experience skull, cervical spine or brain stem injuries.”

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“But I’m bored, Mum!”

May 8, 2022 Return

“There’s a 104 days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it. So the annual problem for our generation, is finding a good way to spend it!” Well, parents of young children ought to recognize the lyrics as they are from the theme song of the popular children’s television series, Phineas and Ferb. At least they had spontaneous grand plans on how to spend their holidays, giving their mother her overdue rest; but that’s not the case for most of us. Many parents dread school breaks with the million-dollar question on their mind

“How am I going to entertain my children for these many days?”

While some parents have no qualms about seeing their child spend hours glued to the screen of a gadget, there are many who do, and feel subtle disappointment on their part for permitting it. Bruce Perry, an American psychiatrist says, “Children don’t need more things. The best toy a child can have is a parent who gets down on the floor and plays with them.” So feeling guilty alone is not enough; parents are responsible for making a difference in how their young ones spend their precious time.

It may be a challenge to get the older kids to obey the NO GADGET RULE compared to the younger ones, but both the young and the not-so-young can be thought to make wiser choices if they were given… yes, CHOICES!

Let’s journey to the great outdoors

1. Camp it up

Set up a camp in your garden or backyard (if you live in an apartment, turn your living room into a campsite for a few days). Serve up a healthy ‘camp menu’ (which your children can have a hand in preparing) and play games such as stack-up cups or create an obstacle course out of boxes. For the latter, you can have your children design and build them as a day-long or several days worth of entertainment.

2. Green is the way to go

Start a vegetable garden with your children. Choose fast-growing vegetables or herbs to help them learn the growth process of a plant, and have them take turns watering and tending the garden. If you live in an apartment, create one indoors by the window using recycled containers as pots. You could even have them paint the pots before planting the seeds.

3. Visit a wet market

Wake your kids up early in the morning and take them to the wet market. Have them identify and pick out local fish, meats or poultry, and vegetables for the day or week’s supply. Most kids these days have no idea how a wet market works or if it even exists. Hence, the school holiday is the best time to take them on a great educational excursion.

4. Hop on to a ride

Get your gears and bag, park your car at the closest train or bus station, and hop onto the public transport with your kids for a day out in the city or to a recreational park. Let your children use their five senses to study the world around them. It would be a good social experience, which will help them also learn about the various races and lifestyle of the people in our country.

5. Swimming isn’t just for fishes

Arm your family with the towels (don’t forget the change of clothes!), pack a picnic basket and some pool/beach toys and head down to the pool. A day submerged in water activities can tire your children out and keep their energy bursts in check over several days!.

Home sweet home!

1. Arts and crafts

Electronic devices have made many things effortless for children especially when it comes to arts and crafts[mr1] . While being able to express themselves extensively on an electronic device, children these days find themselves lost between a pencil and a paper. [mr2] Pull out those manila cardboards, scissors, glue sticks and coloured papers and have them create origami, or a scrapbook of photos or stickers. Lay out the poster colours and get them to paint with their fingers, feet, or cotton buds. Let their imaginations run wild. If you must, help stimulate their mind by looking through art books or magazines for inspiration.

2. Balloon fun

There are many creative ideas available for indoor games that use balloons. Hit balloon that are filled with helium with a toy gun or use a pool noodle to keep the balloon up in the air for as long as they can – these are just a few ideas. Children love repetitive activities and can enjoy such activities for hours.

3. Movie time

Spend a day with your kids being a movie buff! Movies are not only entertaining; they are another medium to teach your children visual literacy. Watch a movie and then, discuss it with your kids. Have them express their likes or dislikes, much like a movie critic would. Ask them questions and listen to their answers – this also helps you understand your children better while giving them the freedom to express their thoughts.

4. Book challenge

Make a trip to the bookstore, or the town library and get some books back home. Draw out a ‘Board of Fame’ chart on a big card with the names of your children on it and award them with a gold star each time they finish a book. The one with the most stars at the end of the holidays will win a surprise prize. This will not only have them racing for the prize, it will cultivate a good reading habit.

5. Costume party

Yes, it may not be Halloween yet but who needs a reason to party, right? Get your kids to invite their friends over for a costume party. No, not just any costume bought from the store, but self-designed and home-sewn costumes. The pre-party project itself will require few days of planning and work and is a great way to fill up the weeks with the children at home before the actual party day.

Hope these ideas erase the words “I’m bored, Mum! Can I play with the iPad now?” from your children.

References:

Education World. Available at www.educationworld.com

Stay At Home Mum. Available at www.stayathomemum.com.au

Ingspirations. Available at www.ingspirations.com

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Back to Basics

May 8, 2022 Return

It goes without saying that parenthood is no walk in the park – and even more so if you are a working parent. Trying to juggle parenthood and work duties at the same time can take a toll on just about anybody. This is why it does not come as a surprise that some parents tend to overlook their children’s basic needs.

What are a child’s basic needs, you may ask? Let’s take a look at a few of them.

Get a good night’s rest

Adequate sleep is vital for your children as it has been proven to aid learning, improve memory, minimize impulsivity and hyperactivity, and enhance the immune system.

Eat a well-balanced diet

Ensure that your children’s daily diet consists of the five food groups: dairy (children are advised to consume 2-3 servings of milk and milk products daily); lean meat, fish and poultry; fruit; vegetables and grain. Also, minimize your children’s intake of salty and sugary foods by opting for healthier snacks such as carrots, apple slices, raisins and wholegrain crackers.

Keep teeth clean

Tooth brushing can commence as soon as your children’s first milk tooth breaks through (when your children are about 6 months old) and it must be for 2 minutes twice daily. Always use fluoride toothpaste, as it helps control or avoid tooth decay effectively.

Additionally, don’t forget to take your children for dental check-ups regularly. Make dental visits positive so your children won’t be afraid of the dentist.

Stay active

Children should have at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily. This is because exercise helps promote stronger bones and muscles, and lowers the risk of conditions eg, obesity, type 2 diabetes and hypertension. Exercises should focus on three aspect of fitness: flexibility, strength and endurance. Examples of this type of exercise include swimming, badminton and cycling.

Wash those hands!

Germs are everywhere and it’s very likely that they are on your children’s hands. Therefore, proper hand hygiene is crucial for minimizing your children’s risk of infection eg, flu, the common cold and diarrhoea. Ensure your children wash their hands with warm water and soap (remember to lather up for 20 seconds or so). Remind your children to wash between their fingers, wrists and under the nails.

References:

Healthy Kids Association. Available at www.healthy-kids.com.au

Malaysian Dietary Guidelines for Children and Adolescents. Available at www.moh.gov.my

Parenting. Available at www.parenting.com

Parents. Available at www.parents.com

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Parents Are Not Helicopters!

May 8, 2022 Return

Once you become a parent, you would like to believe you are doing your very best for your child. There are no fixed rules on how to parent one’s children, but studies have identified various parenting styles: tiger moms, panda dads … and the subject of this article, helicopter parents. The latter is a term widely used to describe many parents today.

When parents hover

A helicopter parent is basically a very overprotective parent. They constantly hover over their children (hence, the term ‘helicopter parent’), obsessively planning for and micromanaging their child from birth to adulthood. They do and decide everything for their child even when the child is capable of doing it themselves, thus within the context of psychology, such parenting style is considered developmentally inappropriate. The bounds of appropriate parental behaviour should naturally shift as a child grows. Therefore, experts say helicoptering robs children of important lessons, thus creating helpless teenagers and later adults, who always look for their mommies and daddies to save them.

Are you a helicopter parent?

Do you:

Feel the need to keep constant contact with your child and to always monitor his movements and activities, just like a watchdog?
Take on the role of a bouncer in the playground so your kid gets to use the swing for as long as he wants, without allowing him to stand up or speak up for himself against other children?
Help fix his conflicts with other kids in school, or argue with these kids (and their parents, teachers and anyone else who disagree with you) even if your kid is wrong?
Find yourself enrolling your child for all types of extra-curricular activities, even if he isn’t interested? Come to think of it, you never even asked him if he wanted to do these things!
Feel the need to instantly gratify your child ie, by giving him everything he wants right away because you feel he deserves it all?
Constantly praise him even over matters that are not praise-worthy?
Help your child complete his assignments, taking upon yourself to do almost all of these tasks because you refuse to see your child get anything less than an A+ for it? Is your child playing on the tablet or phone while you are doing his homework for him?
Argue with your child’s class teacher because you feel that he deserves better grades (even if his actual performance did not warrant such a high grade), and demand exclusive treatment for your child from his teachers?
Attend a college entrance interview with your child and then act as his agent – lobbying for your kid, hoping he gets picked because his CV is seemingly perfect (thanks to you)? Do you send in his CV on his behalf to firms that you think should be more than lucky to have him, often without his knowledge?
Argue with your child’s lecturer if he didn’t make it on the honorary list?
Call your child’s boss at work to inform that he is on sick leave?

If you can relate closely to the above then you are a helicopter parent and you need to consider taking on a new approach in how you raise your child.

Your kid never asked for a helicopter

Most helicopter parents don’t think hovering over their kid is inappropriate. Some see it as a gesture of true love or dedication. It only seems right that they carry out their obligation to see their children through everything, especially in this increasingly demanding world.

However, psychologists say that parents who truly care for their child will allow them to learn from life’s experiences, instead of shielding them from potentially unhappy situations. This is because overzealousness and overprotectiveness can smother a child’s independent development.

The effects of helicopter parenting on a child have been associated closely with problematic developments such as depression, narcissism, constant sense of entitlement, dependency, laziness and poor social skills. Because the children of such parents have not been given the chance to learn from their mistakes, to think rationally, or to face consequences for bad behaviour and actions, they become incapable of functioning independently. They have known to also suffer severely from most forms of criticism, especially in school and at the workplace, because they never had to entertain the possibility that they may not be perfect at everything. After all, their parents led them to believe that they are always perfect, and any errors they made were instantly rectified by their parents. Hence, they never have to learn from their mistakes or be held accountable for them. When real life throws such situations at them, they do not know how to react or cope.

Also, the over-involvement of their parents with authority figures such as their child’s teachers or bosses can potentially dent the child’s reputation. Most children of helicopter parents end up living the dreams and ambitions of their parents instead of their own, and this may create a sense of discontentment later on in life. They may grow to resent their parents, and a rift may develop between the parents and child as a result.

Helicopter parents will also face some repercussions. Because so much of their lives were focused on their child, when the child leaves the house to start his own life, they do not what to do with themselves any more. As a result, they may feel lost, bereft, lonely, and even depressed.

How to be a parent, not a helicopter

The first and most important step is to let go – parents must start allowing their children to perform age-appropriate tasks on their own. Get their children involved in chores and allow them to hold responsibilities at home.

Let the child make his own mistakes, and learn from them. This means that parents should stifle the urge to fight their child’s fights in school or college. Don’t make excuses for them.

Don’t make excuses for them when they have to take on a difficult task from school or work.

When it comes to difficult situations, advise, guide and teach. Do not take over and do everything for them, or else they will never learn how to solve such situations on their own.

Teach them important skills such as time management and prioritizing important tasks.

Parents should not hand everything to the child on a platter – experts recommend ‘fasting’ them of unnecessary material wants (such as by making him work for a new toy by doing small errands, instead of just buying one for him because he asks for it), to help them learn self-control and discipline. This also teaches them to appreciate the things they worked for.

Family counsellors also urge parents to allow their children to experience failure and heart breaks. Teach them what they can learn from it instead of shielding them. This will help create adults who are resilient.

Parents should give themselves and their child enough space between each other to grow and discover. Even as parents, there is a learning curve that helps mould their emotional and mental state, which needs to be attended to. Parents and children can reap a mountain of benefits just by enjoying their own space.

Finally, parents must listen to their child. Listen not only to their verbal communications but their non-verbal communications – their actions and reactions.

In conclusion

Matt Walsh, both an author and a parent, said, “Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.” Indeed, everyone will have an opinion of how to do the job, but the best course of action for parents would be to lead by example. It’s normal for parents to have high expectations for their children, but instead of ‘mowing the lawn’ for these children throughout their lives, guide by example. Show them how to ‘mow the path’ on their own, and help them understand the choices they can make. Let them experience their weakness and struggles, so they would learn the world is not a bed of roses and they’ll learn to avoid the thorns. And when they flounder, that is when the parents should step in to guide, advise and support … and step out again when the child has everything back under control. That is what it means to be a parent.

References:

Huffington Post. Available at www.huffingtonpost.com
Parents. Available at www.parents.com
Education. Available at www.education.com
Live Strong. Available at www.livestrong.com
TreeHugger. Available at www.treehugger.com
Psychology Today. Available at www.psychologytoday.com

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Tale of Two Daddies

May 8, 2022 Return

This November, HealthToday celebrates the very special men in our lives by raising a toast to all those fathers who go the extra mile to make sure that their children get the best TLC and guidance. We shine the spotlight on two such daddies: our very own first commercial astronaut Datuk Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor and popular actor Aaron Aziz.

Star Daddy

Malaysia’s celebrated commercial astronaut shares how he is guiding his children to reach for the stars.

Good looking and well-spoken, Malaysia’s first commercial astronaut Datuk Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor seems to have it all: a wonderful family with two adorable children and a flourishing career. We can now add another job title to his impressive CV: loyal, loving and dedicated father.

Speaking at the recent Cita-cita with Wyeth Nutrition event at KidZania Kuala Lumpur, he told the emcee Hunny Madu with a laugh, “You may call me a Tiger Dad!”

Education is a big priority when it comes to his daughters, four-year old Sophea Isabella and two-year old Sophea Natasha. “I believe in pushing my children to the limit – to the maximum – because I myself have been pushed by my parents,” he said. His parents encouraged him to be his best, and look where he is today. Unsurprisingly, he wants the same for his daughters, and, as he informed Hunny, he often asks for pointers from his parents as well as in-laws.

Life on earth

The family’s day begins at about 7 am each morning. Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Mansor’s wife Dr Halina has to be at the hospital early, so it is up to him to get Isabella ready and send her to school.

“At 1 pm, I will pick Bella up and send her to the Al-Hidayah Islamic School,” he told Hunny. At 4 pm, she then attends Mandarin classes, followed by swimming classes, Math tuition and English classes.

“She gets a break at 9 pm,” he explained, “and from 9.30 to 10 pm, I’d teach her Science. She then has half-an-hour of playtime before going to bed at 10.30 pm.”

It might seem like a packed schedule, and Dr Sheikh Muszaphar Mansor admitted that even his wife harbors reservations at times about their daughter’s routine. He pointed out to Hunny that, contrary to what one may think at first, his daughter is actually very happy with their daily routine. “She is always looking forward to what they will learn or do in the next class, and Bella often expressed an eagerness for more,” he said with a laugh. “Sometimes, when she has fewer classes than usual, she would tell me, ‘Daddy, Daddy, I want more classes today!’”

Children are more resilient than we think, he believed, and as parents, we should not underestimate their ability to adapt and thrive in a challenging environment. “As long as my daughters enjoy what they do, I will push them to be at their best,” he concluded. “But the day when my daughters tell me that they do not like what they do, and they do not want to go to school anymore, that is when I will step back and make some changes.”

Aaron on Love & Family

Aaron Aziz has a tender side that not many of us have seen before.

People see Aaron Aziz as a glamorous actor. “But I don’t see myself as that,” he says.

To him, acting is just what he does to earn a living for himself and his family. “If you see me with a group of other actors taking pictures, I’d rather be the one at the side,” he says.

Aaron comes from a small, close-knit family – just him, his siblings and his parents. But, it was a different story when he married his wife Diyana Halik who comes from a big family. When he asked her hand in marriage, he had to not only consult her parents but her many uncles and aunts as well! Somehow, Aaron won the poll with the majority of her family supporting him.

On a serious note, Aaron realised that his extended family is also important and started getting closer to his cousins after he got married. Aaron was brought up in a broken home. “My dad wasn’t around when I was young so most of the time it was just my mum and me.”

Born in Singapore, Aaron and his wife have settled down in Malaysia. They have three children, two girls, Dwi Ariana, 9, and Dahlia Arissa, 5, and a boy, Danish Anaqi, 11.

Aaron jumped from the food business into show business in 1999 in Singapore when he acted in a Mandarin drama called A War Diary. That’s where he met his wife because her uncle produced the series. The story was about Japanese occupation and he acted as a corporal.

After that, he began acting in movies and television series in Malaysia as well. You might recognise Aaron as Cikgu Malik in season 2 of Oh My English! series, which was aired on Astro TVIQ.

When asked how he is able to balance work and family, Aaron nods towards his wife and says, “She balances it up! She does the check and balance. That’s why she is my manager.”

A typical weekend in Aaron’s life is being at home and playing games with his children, listen to his eldest son tell him a story, play badminton with his elder daughter and draw with his youngest. After a long day at work, he prefers to spend some quiet time with his children.

“I wouldn’t want to change anything with my life because I wouldn’t end up having a wonderful family. That is my purpose in life,” Aaron says.

Aaron’s philosophy is to just live life to the fullest. “Be appreciative of what you have.”

Aaron and his family are participating in Dutch Lady’s 2-A-Day milk campaign, which encourages children and adults to drink two glasses of milk daily to get enough amounts of vitamin D for strong bones.

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Helping Children with Dyslexia: Mommy, why can’t I write like other people?

May 8, 2022 Return

Selina Ding Wai Eng Educational and Clinical Psychologist, Ding Child Psychology Centre

Selina Ding reads dyslexia better than most, as she is one of the few child development specialists in this country who are heavily invested in developing programmes for dyslexic children.

Dyslexia: what is it?

“Dyslexia is more than just a reading problem,” explains Selina. “It is actually a layman term used to describe a specific learning disorder.” She goes on to explain that there are three types of learning disorders – impairment in reading, spelling and mathematics. Dyslexia generally refers to impairment in both reading and spelling, while dyscalculia refers to the impairment in counting and solving mathematical problems.

“Some children may suffer from all three disorders,” she explains, “while others may only have reading and writing issues.” Some children may be able to read like normal children, but they cannot write like normal children. Selina considers these children dyslexic as well.

At a glance

It is a neurological disorder, a condition that affects the brain or the connecting nerves. According to Selina, we do not know yet for sure how dyslexia comes about. “Some say it can be caused by a genetic predisposition – which is to say, a child has a higher chance of developing dyslexia if there is a family history – but there is also evidence that it can occur in a child even without family history,” she adds.

Dyslexics are not stupid. “The first criteria in the diagnosis of dyslexia,” explains Selina, “is that the child shows intelligence within the normal range, while his or her academic achievements are lower than those of his or her peers.”

Dyslexia cannot be cured. It is a lifelong condition and the tendency to make dyslexic mistakes will always be there. However, intervention helps the dyslexic child to read and write to the best of his or her abilities, by teaching the child how to adapt to the condition.

Diagnosing dyslexia

While there are many free “self-test” services available online, a clinical or educational psychologist is the most qualified person to diagnose whether someone is dyslexic. Another advantage of consulting a psychologist over using an online checklist is that the psychologist will be able to tailor a suitable programme for your child.

Should the parent be concerned? According to Selina, parents may consider sending their child for an evaluation by a clinical or educational psychologist if the child has received ample educational exposure for someone his or her age, but the child’s performance is not at the same level as their peers.

Even if the child may not be dyslexic, the evaluation can help identify other problems that may be present.

Should the parent wait until the child is older? Some parents may want to wait until the child is older, often in the hope that the child will overcome his or her learning difficulties eventually. However, Selina points out that earlier is actually better. If the child is diagnosed and receives help before he or she starts primary school, for example, the child will be in a better position to fit in with the class and catch up with his or her studies.

What is the diagnosis process like?

Getting to know the child’s background. Selina explains that, when a child is sent for evaluation, the first step is a thorough evaluation of the child’s developmental history, family history and schooling history. The child’s school books, report cards, teacher’s referral (if any) and such can also be evaluated to determine whether the child’s academic performance is within the normal level of children of his age.
Testing for dyslexia. In the next session, the parents will bring the child for a series of assessments. The session may take a few hours. The child will be tested on his or her IQ as well as his or her ability to read, write, do maths, speak and comprehend what he or she is reading. These tests are all based on international standards, and have been used to successfully diagnose children with dyslexia and other learning problems. Some parents may be surprised at how thorough the tests can be. This thoroughness is necessary to rule out other possible reasons for the child’s apparent learning difficulties.
Is there a problem? The psychologist would analyze the results of these tests as well as the child’s background to determine whether the child has dyslexia. Once there is an official diagnosis, the parents can then choose to send the child to an intervention programme that will help the child continue to still learn and thrive despite his or her dyslexia.

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Helping Children with Dyslexia: Helping a Child Live with Dyslexia

May 8, 2022 Return

Most clinical and educational psychologists who can diagnose dyslexia often offer programmes to help children cope with this condition. Such programmes may differ slightly depending on the centre, says Selina Ding, so it is up to the parents to pick a programme that the child is most comfortable and happy with.

The Dyslexia Programme in Selina’s private practice, like many programmes out there, is based on the well-known Orton-Gillingham method, an approach well-known for its flexibility and structure as well as its ability to help dyslexic children progress faster in reading, writing and spelling. Its flexibility allows tutors to devise a highly personalized curriculum to meet the child’s specific needs. Such curriculum exposes the child to learning via a variety of senses (hearing, sight as well as kinaesthetic, which emphasizes touch and movement).

“Ordinary people can memorize the alphabet easily, but to a dyslexic child, the alphabets are like those Egyptian hieroglyphics – he or she has a hard time recognizing them,” explains Selina.

To improve the child’s ability to recognize and correctly pronounce the letters, Selina incorporates additional kinaesthetic elements into the programme. These elements are especially helpful for dyslexic children who also have problems differentiating sounds.

Kinaesthetic tutoring sees the child tracing a letter of the alphabet often printed on papers with textures or made into moulds. Sometimes the child may be blindfolded to enhance his or her sense of touch. This way, the child can see the ‘movement’ of letters such as D and G. “Such exercises help the brain focus better and improve retention of what the child has learned,” Selina explains.

Dyslexia programmes also usually offer supplemental reading materials for the child as well as advice and tips for the parents on supporting their child’s efforts to learn.

How long is the programme?

According to Selina, most programmes are structured around the child’s needs and schedule. Ideally, she would love if a child can spend an hour with her in the programme each day, but realistically, the child may also have other classes or activities to attend. If the child spends 2 hours each week on the programme, it takes about 2 years to complete.

Should the child still go to kindergarten or school in the meantime?

Yes! Selina strongly encourages this, as school is also a place for the child to develop his or her social skills. Additionally, the child may still pick up important knowledge or apply what they have learned. The parents can help their child by explaining to the child’s teachers about his or her dyslexia.

Does this programme work?

In Selina’s experience, yes. She has seen children change from sullen and difficult students to eager learners who are enthusiastic about going to school and even doing their homework!

What is next after the dyslexia programme?

The programme helps the child read, write and understand words better, but the child may have fallen behind on language skills in the meantime. Often, remedial language classes are the next step.

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