Green-Eyed Monsters: Envy, The Emotion We All Feel but Nobody Mentions It

WORDS FAITH FOO

FEATURED EXPERT FAITH FOO Director of ABRI Integrated Mental Health Director of The Bridge International Hub (Korean Counseling Centre) Registered & Licensed Counsellor Certified EMDR Therapist Certified Coaching & Mentoring Professional HRD Corp-Certified Trainer Published Author Website | Facebook | YouTube

LOOK, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE

You’re scrolling through social media before bed, and suddenly you see your old uni friend posting about their dream job promotion.

Your neighbour’s kitchen renovation that looks straight out of a magazine.

That familiar knot forms in your stomach: a mixture of longing and frustration. That’s envy, and trust me, as a therapist who’s spent years working with people (and dealing with my own emotional hurdles!), I can tell you it’s more common than you might think.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ENVY AND JEALOUSY

Before we dive in, let’s clear something up.

You know when your partner mentions their attractive new colleague, and you get that worried feeling?

That’s jealousy—it’s about protecting what you already have.

But when you’re looking at your friend’s gorgeous new home while sitting in your rented flat, thinking “Why them and not me?” That’s envy.

It is normal to experience both emotions, but they need different approaches when it comes to keeping them under control.

WHY ENVY HITS SO HARD

Here’s the thing about envy – it’s sneaky.

It doesn’t just show up as “I wish I had that!”

It creeps into our thoughts in all sorts of ways:

• Scrolling past your colleague’s holiday photos (“Must be nice to have rich parents…”)
• Watching your friend get engaged (“Everyone’s finding love except me…”)
• Seeing a neighbour’s new car (“They don’t even appreciate it as much as I would…”)
• Learning about a former classmate’s successful business (“They just got lucky…”)

Sound familiar? These thoughts aren’t just uncomfortable—they can properly do your head in if you let them fester.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO HANDLE ENVY

Let’s talk about what you can do when envy strikes.

None of that “just be grateful” claptrap—we’re talking about proper, actionable steps.

Social Media Cleanse (But Make It Realistic)

Instead of a total delete (let’s be honest, who actually sticks to that?), try:

• Set specific scroll times. Maybe check your social media during your morning coffee but not right before bed.
• Use the ‘mute’ button liberally. This is not the same as unfriending someone; think of it as self-care.
• Follow accounts that make you feel inspired rather than inadequate.

Have a “What’s Really Going On?” Check

When envy hits, ask yourself:

• “What exactly do I want here? The actual thing, or what I think it represents?”
• “If I had this thing/achievement/situation, what do I think would be different?”
• “What small steps could I take to attain what I actually want?”

Keep a ‘Wins Journal’

Yes, it may sound cheesy, but it can work brilliantly.

• Jot down your daily wins, no matter how small they may be.
• Passed on office gossip? Win. Made your bed? Win. Didn’t panic-buy something to feel better? Massive win.

Have a Reality Check

When you’re spiralling about someone else’s success:

• Remember that you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel.
• Think about whether you actually want ALL aspects of their life.
• Consider what you might have that others might envy.

WHEN IT’S TIME TO CALL IN THE PROFESSIONAL HELP

Look, sometimes envy gets too big to handle on your own.

If you’re finding that:

• You can’t feel happy for anyone else’s success
• You’re losing sleep over comparing yourself to others
• You’re making decisions based on keeping up with others
• Your mood drops significantly when you see others’ achievements

…then it might be time to chat with a mental health professional. And that’s absolutely fine! We all need a helping hand sometimes.

A FINAL THOUGHT

Remember that time you achieved something and someone else might have envied you? You probably didn’t feel like you had it all figured out then, right?

Same goes for everyone else. We’re all just trying our best, usually feeling like we’re winging it.

Your journey is your journey. It’s not a race, and there’s no ‘right’ timeline.

Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and remember: it’s okay to want more for yourself.

Just don’t let that want blind you to what you already have and who you already are.

And if you’re reading this feeling like envy’s got a grip on you, know that you’re not alone. We’ve all been there, and there’s no shame in it. What matters is what you do next.