When No One Notices What You Do: How to Stop Being Taken for Granted

It’s exhausting to always be the dependable one, only to feel invisible when it matters most. If you’re tired of being overlooked and unappreciated, you’re not alone. Here’s how to reclaim your sense of worth and start feeling seen again.

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

FEATURED EXPERT CATHIE WU MA Coun Psy (CAN, USA) Counselling Psychologist and Director ABRI Integrated Mental Health

THE INVISIBLE PERSON

Maryam thought she was happy. Her life was perfect.

One day, however, she notices that she spends her time during mealtimes in the kitchen getting the food ready, while her family chat happily among themselves. When she joins them, everyone eats and drinks, giving short dismissive responses to her efforts to start a conversation when they are not messing with their phones.

Maryam starts tallying up the various little instances when she is treated more like the efficient domestic helper by the rest of the family. Resentment mounts as the tally grows day by day. She has become invisible to her family — they only recall her existence when they want her to cook, clean or fix something.

HOW TO BE SEEN AND HEARD AGAIN

If you believe that you have become an invisible person, here’s some tips from Cathie Wu to be heard and seen again.

Acknowledge Your Own Inherent Value

• It is human nature to tie the perception of success and happiness to external achievements such as financial success or acclaim from other people. When these external markers are not present, resentment and a sense of inadequacy may arise.
• Instead of relying on these external markers, you should realize that you always have value as a human being. You are worthy to be appreciated and loved, regardless of how successful or beautiful you are.
• It is important to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses, so that you will be able to feel good about your accomplishments even should they go unrecognized by other people.
• By doing this, you will be able to maintain a more balanced, realistic measure of your own happiness and success. It will be easier to manage the negative emotions that can come with the perception that you are being underappreciated or overlooked.

This doesn’t mean you should stay silent and let things be, though!

Voice Your Needs and Desires

• Waiting in silence to be heard or be invited to speak only bring more feelings of powerlessness and/or helplessness.
• To break this unhealthy pattern, find the strength and courage inside you to speak up and make your feelings heard.
• Perhaps your loved ones have no idea that you are feeling this way, and when you speak out about your feelings, they may be more willing to be more considerate to your needs.

Set Up a More Balanced Structure

• If you choose to do everything for everyone, you will be associated to that role over time. This may lead to you being taken for granted by everyone!
• To prevent yourself from ending up in this situation, delegate responsibilities so that everyone has a reasonable share of the duties involved.