Life, Love & the Single Woman

Charis Wong   Marriage & Family Therapist, Kin & Kids Marriage, Family & Child Therapy Centre

You may have a well-paying job, in a position that demonstrates how capable you are in carrying out your responsibilities. Your clients love you, your boss adores you, and you pride yourself on your financial independence. And then, when you catch up with your family, the first thing they ask you is why you are still single.

Under pressure?

“There is always going to be pressure on women to get married,” says Charis Wong, “especially in Asian societies where we tend to live life ‘by the book’. We get our university degree, start a career, buy a car and house, settle down and have children…”

As a result, there would be a period of time when many of the people around you would get married and, later, have children. You do not even have to meet them face to face to become very aware of your state of being single, as Facebook and other social media are constant reminders!

“Even if you experience no pressure from friends and family members, you will be very aware that your peers are settling down and starting families. This might make you ask yourself what you are doing with your life and whether you are happy,” says Charis.

Do you know where you’re going to?

When it comes to making decisions about what you want to do with your life, says Charis, the most important thing is to know what you really want for yourself.

If you want to start a family and have not found that special someone yet, and you do not mind shifting a little focus off your career in order to do so, you may then want to explore new opportunities to meet your Mr Right.

“Most women are still quite passive when it comes to initiating relationships, so it may be time to be more actively involved,” adds Charis. She knows a friend who found her future husband by being more proactive and taking steps to be more sociable.

Some of the things you can do include becoming more involved in social activities in your neighbourhood or religious institution, asking friends to introduce you to eligible bachelors, or even signing up for a dating agency.

On the other hand, if you are content to wait a little longer, then by all means do so. “If you are conscious that this decision will make you happy, then it is most likely the right one,” says Charis.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you are making decisions that you are comfortable, without compromising your values and principles. Embrace new relationships, let go of bad ones, stay true to yourself and you will be fine.

Mr Right is late… as usual

If you are still unable to find Mr Right despite your best efforts, Charis suggests taking a look at your requirements for Mr Right. “For example, you may have previously searched for someone who makes more money than you, or who is of the same race or religion,” explains Charis. “Ask yourself, are these requirements important? Can you accept someone who cannot meet some of your requirements?”

If you answer yes, then you can consider expanding your horizons and look for your Mr Right in other places or through other people. With dating agencies and apps these days, there are always options!

If you believe that you can relax some of your requirements without compromising your standards or principals, then it is time to go back to the social world with a fresh outlook. Should you look back and think, hey, there is one guy you have dated in the past who may be the right person after all, by all means give him a call or text him. Who knows, the next few dinner dates could change both your lives!

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