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How’s Your Sex Sense?

May 1, 2022   Return


“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” ~ Rumi

True romance and great sex co-exist in the same universe, and no, it’s not on the big screen or on the pages of a romance novel. How is it possible to find this perfect chemistry of love and sex? Well, behind every honeyed word and sensual touch is some science and psychology.

This month, let’s discover how we can hone our sex sense by making some small simple changes in our daily lives. No overpriced hotel dinners or trips to exotic lands necessary (although they are certainly optional if our budget allows for them)!

The information in this article comes from the ‘Sex Sense for Married Millennials – Intimacy, Family & Health’ expert forum in December 2018, which was organized by the Federation of Reproductive Health Associations, Malaysia (FRHAM) with the support of Durex Malaysia, as well as their educational booklet Drama Kahwin Malam Jumaat.


Good personal hygiene is an important part of a sexually fulfilling relationship. Nobody wants to kiss someone with bad breath or, worse, realize that the other person could really use a bath after the clothes are off.

Wash the tender bits. Wash genital areas before sex to get rid of unpleasant smells caused by bacteria. You see, our clothes, especially our undergarments, rest close to our skin. Flakes of dead skin can slough off and stick to the fabric, therefore.

Furthermore, throughout the day, we sweat and use the toilet and, as a result, fluids can soak the fabric and cause bacteria to thrive. Also, it is dark down there. Therefore, our groin has everything bacteria needs to grow and thrive – darkness, water and food (the dead skin cells). What results tend to give off an odour best described as “No love for you tonight!”

Don’t forget to flush. It’s good to have a pee after sex to flush germs out of our system.

Better still, why not shower together? Washing up before and after sex can only enhance the foreplay and afterglow respectively. (Plus, some people claim showering together helps to cut down on the water bill … but don’t quote us on that.)

In addition to getting everyone in the mood for loving, good hygiene also helps to protect us from urinary and reproductive tract infections.


“I want to see you. Know your voice. Recognize you when you first come around the corner. Sense your scent when I come into a room you’ve just left. Know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot. Become familiar with the way you purse your lips then let them part, just the slightest bit, when I lean in to your space and kiss you. I want to know the joy of how you whisper ‘more.’” ~ Rumi


Be well rested, fresh and focused before getting down to business, so that we are aware of how the both of us are responding to each other’s caresses.

No, really – rest is important. While we are sleeping, our body has time to produce the sex hormones that get us in the mood. Additionally, we are less stressed after a good rest, which is a good thing as stress is not only a mood killer, it may also prevent the man from getting an erection or ending things prematurely.

Make sure the kids are asleep. This goes without saying. Let’s put them to bed early, or drop them at a trusted caregiver so that we can have some private time for a few hours.

Intimacy enhances sexual enjoyment. We should take time outside of the bed to be close and intimate with our partner. For example, have meaningful conversations, go on a date now and then (once a week will be nice) and exchange loving texts over the phone. All these little gestures will only drive a couple closer, and this in turn will lead to more enjoyable adventures in the bedroom.

Establish open, honest communication. Different people may have different levels of libido and sexual arousal. Therefore, we should make the effort to understand our partner and discover what gives him or her pleasure in the bedroom. After all, sex is always better when both husband and wife have a great time!

It’s okay (and not at all embarrassing) to ask for advice. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we are unable to find enjoyment or give our partner pleasure in the bedroom.

Don’t suffer in silence and let the relationship wither – there are many qualified professionals to seek help from! Specialists such as urologists can treat problems related to health conditions that get in the way of good sex, while counselors and sex therapists can advise on emotional issues that bog down conjugal pleasures. These qualified professionals will respect our privacy and they will also not judge us based on our past sexual experiences. It may feel awkward to open up to them at first, but if doing so means better sex and a happier relationship, it’s certainly worth the effort to do so!

Incidentally, we should be wary of following advice from a friend of a friend or from unverified sources on the Web as some of the advice may end up doing more harm than good. When in doubt, check and double-check with a qualified expert in the subject matter.


“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” ~ Rumi


This isn’t just good news for the hubby – pregnant women can rejoice too, as female orgasms during pregnancy can sometimes be more intense than usual. However, do note that a pregnant woman may sometimes experience a decrease in sexual desire as the pregnancy progresses.

Yes, sex is fine when we are pregnant, so long as the obstetrician says that it is OK. Some studies found that, as long as there are no health issues present in the woman, sex is perfectly fine up to the point when the water breaks.

Hold the right position. During pregnancy, some of the more comfortable – and fun – sexual positions include having the woman on top, face-to-face and the abdominal-supportive position.

Use a condom. It helps to prevent potential infections of the reproductive tract. With a baby on the way, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Oh dear, are those cramps? An orgasm may cause the uterus to contract. This is perfectly normal and isn’t a cause for panic. If the contractions persist, however, we should see our obstetrician.

After a smooth delivery (no complications), it is fine to resume having sex at about 6 to 12 weeks after delivery. Note that while breastfeeding can help delay menstruation, it is also advantageous to use contraception as well if we want to space out our pregnancies.

Vaginal dryness? Breastfeeding can sometimes cause vaginal dryness. If that occurs, some lube (which can be purchased from the pharmacy) can help “smooth” things up.

Speak and listen. As a woman’s body undergoes changes during pregnancy and after a delivery, she may experience new and different triggers for sexual arousal. What might be good in the past may not feel the same way anymore and vice versa. Therefore, it is important for both partners to be open and communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t, and respect their wishes accordingly. HT



The Federation of Reproductive Health Associations, Malaysia (FRHAM) with the support of Durex Malaysia recently launched the Malaysian Married Millennials Sexual Wellbeing Survey. Married millennials aged 20 to 40 years old are invited to participate in this survey. The results of the survey will be used by FHRAM and Durex to develop a sustainable, full-fledged community programme aimed to effectively educate, engage and empower young adults in sexual and reproductive health. Visit to take part in this survey. Yes, there is a prize for a lucky couple who participate!


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