Why We Cling to Criticism and Forget Compliments — And How to Change It

About 20 or more years ago, I had a short-lived stint as the unofficial DJ for my friends and family. I received many compliments saying that I could be a radio jockey with my voice. More recently, as I was producing this 5-minute podcast series, I received more positive feedback about how my voice was especially soothing. This recent realization comes across as funny as well as weird for me because personally, I never really thought of myself as being “talented”. This makes me wonder about how we tend to respond to compliments.

WORDS FAITH FOO

FEATURED EXPERT FAITH FOO Director of Faith Foo Counseling Director of The Bridge International Hub (Korean Counseling Centre) Former Director of ABRI Integrated Mental Health EMDR-Inspired Transformation Coach Website | Facebook | YouTube

Let’s reflect upon the last instance when someone complimented you. How did you react to the moment?

Compliments are like a seed that sits in your head for a while, and it doesn’t stay for a very long time. There is a proverbial torrent of other problems or issues that will shortly after comes along and takes its space. It just slips off very fast.

To illustrate further, think about how when someone tells you, “Hey, nice work! Good idea!” or gives you positive feedback for anything that you have done.

• How long do you feel happy about it? A day or two?
• At most, some of us would be elated for the rest of the week.

On the contrary, when you receive negative feedback, that seed goes straight into your gut and grows into a huge tree.

Compare the scenario I described earlier to a situation with someone telling you: ‘I don’t think that will work, that’s not such a good idea!”

• You feel defeated and rejected, don’t you?
• And for how long? For a very long time, it almost tends to feel like forever.

Generally, we tend to:

• Long for compliments, and yet when it is given to us, but we never believe it when it comes our way.
• Hate criticism but we hold on to it so dearly more deeply and longer than we should.

Funny creatures, aren’t we?

IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED TOO, LET’S MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO CHANGE

Grab a pen and a sheet of paper.

• List and record all the positive reviews or good feedback that you have received throughout your life.
• Then, write down 10 accomplishments that you are proud of.

From this point on, notice and determine what kind of seed you want to hold onto and let it grow.

• Stop holding on to the bad seed, let it be blown away by the wind while you firmly hold on to the good seed.
• Let the good seed grow straight into your guts. Let it blossom, and let it firmly establish its root, while you water it with self-love and provide it with the light of confidence. It is time to plant a brand-new tree.

Always remember, you are the product of our own choices, not a victim of our circumstances.

Set your own narrative for the story of your life.

Sometimes, the smallest decisions can end up changing your life forever.