Autism Explained: Love, Life, and the Spectrum

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It is not pleasant when your child is diagnosed with autism, but it is not the end of the world. It can be the beginning of a cherished parenting journey. To illustrate this point, paediatrician Dr Sharifah Aida Alhabshi, who has a special interest in child learning difficulties and child psychology, helps to answer some questions parents may have about raising a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

FEATURED EXPERT
DR SHARIFAH AIDA ALHABSHI
Consultant Paediatrician
KPJ Sentosa KL Specialist Hospital
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MY CHILD HAS AUTISM. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

The Brain Experiences Delays in Processing Information

The best explanation comes from a study published in 2014 in The Journal of Neuroscience.

Children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can get triggered because their brain experiences some delays (temporal acuity) when processing information
sent by their eyes and ears.
Because it takes longer for the child to make sense of the sights and sounds around him or her, it will take more effort to grasp simple concepts and to behave like other children.

Sensory Issues

Dr Sharifah Aida points out that some children with autism tends to have some increasingly heightened senses compared to other children, while other senses may be delayed or require intervention in order to develop fully.

Heightened senses may manifest in various ways that seem extreme to other people. For example:

The soft whirr of a fan to resemble a painful screech in the child’s head, making them scream in discomfort.
The rub of the label of a shirt against the nape may cause great discomfort, causing the child to try to pull the shirt off.

In Their Own World

It is also common for children with ASD to behave in ways that seem to suggest that they are
living in their own world.
This doesn’t mean that the child is stupid or mentally handicapped, far from it.
With proper intervention sessions and plenty of love and support, a child with autism may learn to adapt to the world like fairly normal people.
For children with more severe autism, they will need a little more support, but don’t lose hope as there are still ways to help them grow up to become fairly self-sufficient.

The Girl That Makes Herself at Home

Whenever her mother brings Molly (not her real name) to see Dr Sharifah Aida, Molly will happily move to sit on Dr Sharifah Aida’s lap. She will then play with the paediatrician’s computer, examine and play with various objects at the desk, and generally act like she has never noticed Dr Sharifah Aida at all. The paediatrician doesn’t mind this; in fact, she assures the mother that such behaviour is quite common among some children with autism.

What Is ASD?

It is a set of complex disorders of the brain and nerves.
The child usually shows a unique repetitive behaviour and can experience difficulties with social interaction.
There is a wide range of symptoms, skills and levels of severity, hence the word ‘spectrum’ in the name of this condition.
One child may experience only mild autism, while another child may need a little more help before they can perform basic daily activities.

Some common symptoms of ASD. Click on the image to view a larger and clearer version.

ASD Is Not Your Fault

What you ate or did during the pregnancy did not cause your child to develop ASD.
Dr Sharifah Aida shares that there is no scientific evidence that it can be caused by foods, vaccines, and medications.
Some researchers speculate that environment may be one of the causes of ASD, but to date no one has found evidence to back up that speculation.
There is likely a genetic component to ASD, though.

Therefore, don’t be so hard on yourself–there is nothing to feel guilty about. Your child needs you. It is time to look to the days ahead, rather than to dwell on matters that you have little to no control over.

Your Child Is Not Stupid

Someone with ASD may still learn to interact well with other people, even forming meaningful relationships and holding jobs. Even those with severe ASD can learn to be self sufficient when they are adults.
Therefore, there is no reason to assume the worst for your little darling just because they have ASD!

Your Child Is Not Deliberately Being Naughty

Your little darling is not deliberately testing your patience or embarrassing you in public.
It’s just that your darling’s brain is wired to perceive the world in a different way.
Once you can understand what this is like for your child, you will be able to communicate better with them.

Autism Is Not Curable

There is currently no specific treatment that can cure autism.
While there are medications and supplements out there that claim to do so, Dr Sharifah Aida points out that these claims have not been scientifically proven.
Despite a lack of cure, there is still an opportunity for a child with autism to grow up to be a relatively well-adjusted adult.

DOES YOUR DARLING EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

Children with autism can sometimes frustrate their parents because they do not respond to love and affection like typical children.

They may not look their parents in the eye or respond to affectionate words.
They may not respond to hugs; some may pull away from physical contact. A possible reason for the latter is that even a simple hug can cause sensory overload, making them agitated or even violent.
They may not speak, much less tell their parents how much they love the parents.

DOES YOUR CHILD LOVE YOU?

If your child shows any or all of the above, take heart in knowing that yes, you are loved.

You need to remember that sometimes your child may find physical contact to
be overwhelming.
As your child attends intervention sessions and understands the world around them better, they will eventually become more comfortable with loving gestures and words.

SHOWER LOVE AND AFFECTION

Smile

Always smile at your child and wait to see how they respond.
Don’t feel disappointed if there is no positive response. Perhaps the time is not right yet; one day, your child will smile back.

Hand Gestures

If your child is sensitive or resistant to touches, use hand signals, such as thumbs up to show your approval, along with a smile.

Hugs

If you believe that your child needs a comforting hug, get down on your knees and open your arms.
Gently invite your child to come over for a hug.
It is okay if your child doesn’t respond. The time may not be right yet, but it will come one day.

Tell Your Family and Friends

Let everyone in your family and circle of friends know if your child doesn’t like to be touched.
This is important, as a well-meaning friend or family member may unintentionally touch your child and undo your careful effort to teach your child how to respond to loving gestures.
Let them know about your child’s preferences, and tell them not to initiate any physical
contact with them.

The Boy Beloved by His Brothers

Amin (not his real name) is very quiet, often in his own world. During her clinic sessions with Amin and his family, Dr Sharifah Aida notices that the boy’s two siblings have appointed themselves the bodyguards of that boy. Whenever Amin starts to wander off, one brother will gently guide him back. The older siblings will also make sure that Amin will not trip or walk into anything. It never bothers them that Amin doesn’t acknowledge or interact with them. As motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia once said, “Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.”

How can you help your child with autism adjust and thrive? Dr Sharifah Aida Alhabshi takes us further into the journey shared by a parent and their child with autism.

This article is part of our series on autism and the parenting journey one takes with a child with autism.