From Shadows to Sunlight: How His Son’s Autism Taught a Father Lessons of Love and Life

A father’s struggle with accepting his autistic son led to conflicts and regret. An epiphany changed everything—now, he dedicates his life to making amends and championing the rights of autistic individuals.

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

When Luqman entered Mohd Adli Yahya’s life, the proud father was overjoyed.

“I have always wanted a son, someone that I could bond with over a mutual love of sports,” he recalls.

However, by the time the boy turned two, Adli and his wife felt that something was amiss.

Luqman was uncharacteristically tidy and neat for a child his age. Adli remembers how the boy would arrange his toys in neat rows or stack them in an ordered manner. “When he visits someone’s home, he would take off his shoes and place them in a tidy straight manner, side by side,” he shares.

DESCENT INTO DARKNESS

Over the next few years, Luqman showed difficulties in carrying out tasks that would be considered simple by other children of his age. While the boy was quiet and obedient, he couldn’t seem to master rudimentary abilities such as grasping objects firmly or carrying out his parents’ instructions.

Adli couldn’t accept that his son was not as ‘perfect’ as he’d wished the boy to be. “It was a dark time for all of us,” he admits with brutal honesty. “I couldn’t take it. I lost my temper with him easily and frequently, and I am not proud at what I had become back then.”

It was when the Internet became more accessible and Adli went online that he discovered what autism was and realized that Luqman showed symptoms of having that condition.

“Even then, it still took a while before I could break my dark pattern of behaviour,” he reveals.

He had a sobering epiphany when, one day, Luqman dropped and broke a plate. “I was furious,” Adli shares. “I started berating him for failing to do what I thought was a simple task… and then I stopped and looked at him, really looked at him.”

As he towered over his terrified son, Adli realized that his son was looking at him with an expression that was both of fear and confusion. “He didn’t understand why I was so angry,” he says with a catch in his voice. “I thought back at how every time I would be like this, standing and yelling at Luqman. He never once fought back. He would just stand there, scared and confused; he didn’t understand why I was so angry at him.”

HEALING AND FORGIVENESS

 When Adli decided to mend the rift between him and his son, the gulf between them seemed too wide to close.

“Now that my eyes were opened, I could see what I had done to us, and it shattered my heart,” Adli says. He recalls how Luqman would avoid him—whenever he sat down next to the boy, the boy would stand up to sit somewhere else. When he tried to take the boy’s hand, the boy would slowly extricate his hand from his father’s, preferring to walk behind Adli instead of alongside him.

From that point onward, Adli embarked on a journey to win back Luqman’s trust and love. He also sought to atone for his earlier failings.

Through the next years, Adli slowly but surely worked to restore his relationship with his son. Small failures only bolstered his determination—he viewed each setback as a lesson from the divine to help him understand the damage he had done to his son’s well-being, to give him deeper insight into how his son must feel during the darker phase of their relationship.

This journey of personal redemption would ultimately culminate in the founding of Autism Cafe.

LOVE AND REDEMPTION 

Adli witnessed firsthand that the existing support system for people with autism in Malaysia is still lacking in many ways. “I pulled my son from school when I realized that he wasn’t learning much,” he says. “He spent most of his days being confused by what the teacher was telling the students!”

Thinking of the future of his son, Adli realized that his son—and other people with autism—could use a safe space for them to learn life skills that will enable them to support themselves and find a sense of purpose.

Hence, the Autism Café Project was born in 2017.

The Autism Cafe Project is not just a business venture, but as a labour of love. Since its conception, it had undergone a few iterations as well as changes in venue, but Adli has revamped and adapted the model of the project over time to best suit the needs of Luqman and other people with autism.

The Autism Cafe

Central to the model is the Autism Cafe, an eatery that is staffed nearly entirely by people with autism.

Contrary to popular belief, people with autism make better chefs and kitchen staff than many would believe. Indeed, the kitchen is a good place for them to learn and practice basic life skills.

“Many of them, including Luqman, thrive on routine and patterns. For example, they are very good at using exact measurements when it comes to cooking. They are also fastidious—the rubbish bin will be emptied regularly, more so than most regular kitchens!” says Adli.

Kitchen duty is delegated based on the abilities of the staff. More high-functional staff members will handle cutting and cooking, while those that are less capable can assist with duties such as measuring and pouring.

That way, these staff members also benefit from being part of a team and finding a sense of belonging in a team. Throughout it all, they also find a sense of purpose.

A Platform to Make a Living

While the Autism Cafe Project venue allows for dining in on weekends, Adli also has several channels to reach out to a wider net of potential customers.

Delivery is possible, thanks to Adli making delivery orders with a few staff members along for the trip. These delivery trips allow the charges of the Autism Cafe Project an opportunity to enjoy new sights and interact with other people—one that many of them enjoy.

The Autism Cafe Project is also a frequent presence at various roadshows, fairs, and other events. In addition to food, the project also allows other people with autism to sell cookies, gifts, and various trinkets.

“That way, these people can make a living,” Adli shares. This will go some way to lightening the financial burden of people with autism and their families. It is also an avenue for these people to develop entrepreneurial skills.

A Safe Space for People with Autism

The most recent location of the Autism Cafe Project is a double-story house in Bukit Jelutong, Shah Alam.

There is a reason why Adli chooses this location. It is in a quiet and peaceful neighbourhood—a perfect spot to establish a safe home for people with autism.

Adli intends this house to also be the home for the staff of the Autism Cafe Project. In addition to being a cafe, it will also be a sanctuary where individuals with autism can live, work, and thrive.

He reveals that he intends to establish similar sanctuaries in other states, so that people with autism in those states can also benefit from the project. However, that is in the future. Adli’s current focus is establishing the foundation of this new phase of the Autism Cafe Project—for Luqman, and for others with autism.

A NEW CHAPTER, A NEW BEGINNING

The Autism Cafe Project stands as a testament to the power of a father’s love and his determination to leave a legacy for his son.

Adli shares his story with candid honesty that parents of children with autism will not make his mistakes. He hopes that his story will spur them to learn more about autism, and in doing so, better understand what their children are going through and form a closer bond with these children.

For Adli, the Autism Cafe Project is also a way to give back to the community, to make amends with his son, and to offer hope to families like his own. What began as a father’s gesture of penance has become a beacon of hope for many, transforming lives one task, one meal, and one smile at a time.

THE AUTISM CAFE PROJECT

Address

5, Jalan Adang U8/16, Bukit Jelutong, Shah Alam, Selangor

Menu

• Simple but tasty Malaysian favourites such as nasi lemak, bihun, etc.
• Dine-in available on weekends.
• Pick-ups and deliveries available. Mass orders welcome.

How can someone with autism or their family get in touch with the Autism Cafe Project?

• The Autism Cafe Project welcome people with autism of all ages, religion, and gender.
• However, they regret that they are unable to accept those that are prone to aggression or violent tendencies. This exception is necessary for the safety of others in the project.

Does the Autism Cafe Project accept donations?

• The Autism Cafe Project does not rely on donations.
• However, if one wants to offer a donation, Adli welcomes contributions to help them purchase a second vehicle for food deliveries or the current location (which they are currently renting).

Can one volunteer?

• Volunteers are always welcome to assist with the various projects of the Autism Cafe Project as well as in the day-to-day running of the kitchen.
• The members of the project will relish the opportunity to interact with volunteers and develop their social skills. Volunteering will also allow members of the public to develop a better understanding of autism.

How else can one support the Autism Cafe Project?

• Consider ordering your meals from them. This will allow the members of the project to make a living.
• Order custom gifts for personal or corporate functions from them. Adli shares that the project is more than happy to prepare gift sets using specially designed boxes.
• If you have an exhibition or public event, you can invite the Autism Cafe Project to set up a booth.