Unlike conventional couples therapy, which focuses on conflict resolution, Imago counselling delves into unconscious patterns from childhood. A counsellor explains how this approach fosters deeper connection.
WORDS DR TAE J OH
 FEATURED EXPERTDR TAE J OH Co-Founder and Director of The Bridge International Hub PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy Licensed Clinical Professional Counsellor (LCPC) Certified Imago Relationship Therapist (CIRT) Website | Facebook |
BRIDGING CULTURES, HEALING HEARTS
As the first Korean counsellor in Malaysia, I founded The Bridge International Hub to provide psychological support for both Koreans and expatriates.
Building relationships and maintaining emotional balance in a multicultural environment is challenging.
Hence, at The Bridge International Hub, we provide a space where individuals and families can find the support they need to thrive, regardless of cultural backgrounds.
Through my work, I am committed to helping couples foster deeper intimacy, resolve conflicts, and build relationships that are both resilient and fulfilling.
A PERSONAL JOURNEY INTO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
My passion for marriage and family therapy is deeply personal.
As a first-generation immigrant who spent over 28 years in the United States, I experienced firsthand the cultural differences within my own family.
My husband, who grew up in the US, and our children, who were born there, saw the world through different cultural lenses. These differences enriched our marriage and parenting journey while also bringing challenges rooted in cultural and generational dynamics.
When we started our life together, we believed that our shared faith would be the foundation of a strong and loving relationship.
However, I soon realized that spiritual maturity alone wasn’t enough. Cultural adaptation, emotional expectations, and communication gaps required deeper exploration. This realization ignited my passion for understanding relationships at a profound level and ultimately led me to become a couples therapist.
THE SEARCH FOR A DEEPER APPROACH
In my early years as a therapist, I noticed that traditional couples counselling often intensified emotional conflicts or leaned toward supporting one partner’s perspective rather than addressing underlying issues.
Many therapeutic approaches focused on surface-level conflict resolution without tackling the root causes.
I wanted something deeper—something that could truly transform relationships.
That’s when I discovered Imago relationship therapy, a relationship-centered approach designed to foster profound change.
WHAT IS IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY?
Developed by Dr Harville Hendrix and Dr Helen Hunt, Imago Therapy emerged from a few profound questions:
- Why do couples fight?
- Why do relationships with the ones we love most often feel so difficult?
- What makes some couples stay together, while others fall apart?
Their research revealed that many conflicts stem from unmet childhood needs, which we unconsciously try to fulfil through our romantic relationships.
Imago therapy helps couples recognize relational patterns, uncover the deeper causes of recurring conflicts, and transform their communication.
It offers a structured approach to bringing unconscious patterns to awareness, allowing relationships to become spaces for mutual healing and growth.
The Science Behind Imago Therapy
Many people unknowingly carry unresolved childhood wounds into adulthood, seeking partners who mirror both the positive and negative traits of their early caregivers.
In this sense, a spouse is not just a source of conflict but also a reflection of our own unfinished emotional business(es).
AN ECLECTIC APPROACH
Imago Relationship Therapy is an eclectic approach to couples therapy that integrates concepts from psychoanalysis, object relations theory, behavioral science, transactional analysis, gestalt psychology, systems theory, cognitive theory, Western evolutionary traditions, and quantum physics. This comprehensive framework aims to help couples build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Understand Past Attachment Experiences
Imago therapy explores how early attachment patterns influence current relationship dynamics and unconscious behaviors.
Improve Communication and Emotional Intimacy
Through techniques like the Imago dialogue, couples enhance communication, reduce defensiveness, and create a safe environment for vulnerability and connection.
Address Unresolved Emotional Wounds
Imago therapy helps couples identify how past childhood wounds that impact their present behaviours, thus fostering emotional healing.
Encourage Mutual Growth
Imago therapy supports individual and relational growth, creating opportunities for deeper understanding and healing within the relationship.
Transform Conflict into Connection
Imago therapy provides couples with the tools to navigate conflicts constructively, turning disagreements into opportunities for growth and strengthening the relationship foundation.
THE POWER OF IMAGO DIALOGUE
At the heart of Imago therapy is a structured communication technique called the Imago Dialogue, which consists of three key components:
- Mirroring: Repeating back what a partner says to ensure understanding.
- Validation: Acknowledging the partner’s perspective as legitimate.
- Empathy: Expressing genuine understanding and emotional connection.
By using this method, couples learn to listen actively, understand each other’s emotions, and nurture their wounded inner child.
Real Couples, Real Transformations
Couples who have experienced Imago therapy often report profound changes:
- Instead of focusing only on conflicts, they learned to step back, recognize the underlying frustrations, and express their needs through structured dialogue.
- Some couples discover that they have been unconsciously projecting unmet childhood needs onto their spouse. By identifying and communicating these needs, they find new ways to support each other, leading to meaningful growth in their relationship.
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| This article is part of our series on optimizing our mental wellness and making the most out of our relationships. |
