When their daughter was diagnosed with autism, a devoted couple united to support her journey. Through love, patience, and determination, they created a world where she could thrive against all odds.
WORDS WAI HOONG
 FEATURED EXPERTWAI HOONG Personal Trainer linktr.ee/waihoong |
When my wife, Hazel, and I started our family, we were filled with excitement and optimism.
Hazel comes from a media background and is a suspension trainer coach. I have over 15 years of experience juggling various responsibilities: fitness trainer, studio owner, and international commercial talent. With our professional backgrounds, we felt well-prepared to take on the challenges of parenthood alongside our existing obligations.
Then came Melody, our vibrant daughter, in 2018, and our lives were forever changed. Whatever we had imagined parenthood to be, the reality turned out to be more challenging, more complex—and more fulfilling.
OUR DARLING MELODY
Melody is a bundle of joy who loves the outdoors, dancing, and memorizing Hi-5 dance routines.
Initially, there were no signs that anything was amiss. However, when she was three, we noticed small things—walking on tiptoes, hand-flapping, and delayed speech.
Our family doctor took note of Melody’s lack of eye contact when interacting with others and advised us to seek a diagnosis. We did, and the healthcare professionals confirmed it: Melody was nonverbal and diagnosed with mild autism.
Receiving that diagnosis was tough. Both Hazel and I had undergone health checkups and fertility tests before starting our family, and the news came as a surprise to the both of us.
Nonetheless, we didn’t dwell on questions such as “Why us?” or “Why her?” We don’t believe in dwelling on what could have been or placing blame.
Instead, we embraced our daughter for who she is and immediately began doing what was necessary.
PARENTING REVEALS YOUR TRUE SELF
Parenting, in general, is exhausting. The lack of sleep, constant attention, and balancing work with personal interests are challenges every parent faces.
When you’re parenting a child with autism, however, multiply those challenges by 10.
Long Nights and Meltdowns
I remember sleeping on the floor in Melody’s room for a couple of years, just to be there for her. Meltdowns were frequent, triggered by frustration when she couldn’t express her needs. Through experience, I learned to give her 30 minutes of safety time and space to self-regulate during these episodes.
Our Secret Language
Communication with Melody is unique. We’ve developed our own sign language and use an alternative and augmentative communication (AAC) device to help her express herself.
 ‘Alternative and augmentative communication’ or AAC refers to means of communication aside from traditional speech, such as pictures, gestures, sign language, visual aids, or speech-output devices like computers. AAC is used to allow children with difficulties in speaking or learning languages to communicate. There are dedicated AAC devices available for children with autism. |
Our Communication Mantra Is ‘Simplify, Concise, Precise’
When we go out in public, we always pre-plan our outings, considering the environment.
Neurodivergent children are highly sensitive to sounds, lights, and crowds, which can be overwhelming to them. Hence, safety is a top priority; I got Melody a name tag bracelet with our contact numbers to ensure we’re prepared for any situation.
There have been so many cherished moments with Melody. Watching her swim for the first time, clinging to me during lessons, and now seeing her float and swim freestyle all on her own—without a coach, just hours of pool sessions with me—has been nothing short of amazing. She learns through observation, mirroring, and simply having fun.
HER FIRST WORDS
When Melody strung together 3 words into a sentence for the first time, it was a monumental moment for us.
Her imagination and artistic talents continue to flourish, whether she’s painting on walls, drawing animals, or making slime-clay figurines. We encourage her in every passion she expresses, even if it means embracing a bit of messiness.
THE CHALLENGES OF SOCIALIZING
Socializing has been a challenge, not just for Melody but for us as parents. Not all children or parents are open-minded.
Over the years, I’ve learned to be thick-skinned and shrug it off. So long as it’s a public space and there’s no danger involved, everything is fine.
Melody has a special bond with animals, spending hours at the pet shop or farm, observing and interacting with them. These moments are precious, and we celebrate every milestone, no matter how small.
TAKING AN ACTIVE ROLE IN PARENTING
Support and assistance are available, but Hazel and I have taken a very active role in Melody’s upbringing.
We changed our careers and lifestyles to revolve around her needs.
Trusting others to care for her wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of effort to find a suitable preschool with the right support system.
We’ve also educated ourselves, participated in workshops, and built a small community of neurodivergent parents and caregivers who share practical tips with each other.
Most importantly, we help ourselves first, then collaborate with teachers and therapists. It’s never a solo journey.
EVERY DAY IS A BLESSING
Fatherhood has been a journey of growth, love, and learning for me. Melody has taught me to see the world through her eyes, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
3 LIFE LESSONS THAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY DAUGHTER
Lesson 1: Acceptance and Connection
My advice to other parents facing similar challenges is to accept, embrace, and connect with your child. Understand them from their perspective.
Collaboration with teachers, therapists, and other parents is key. If you’re unsure, get a diagnosis.
Be thick-skinned, take time for self-care, and always provide positive reinforcement.
Respect your child as an individual, practice patience, and don’t hesitate to ask for help from the right people or organizations.
Most importantly, be part of a community—you don’t have to do this alone.
Lesson 2: Bring Ourselves to Their Level
Living with a neurodivergent child isn’t so different from raising a neurotypical one.
It challenges us to step out of our comfort zone, to find different ways to connect and bond. The love, care, and attention we give are just as intense, if not more so.
We may be confused sometimes and become frustrated when communicating with our child. However, remember: our neurodivergent children also wonder, “Why can’t Mom and Dad understand me?”
It’s like a chicken and duck trying to talk to each other. As parents, we need to bring ourselves to their level to truly connect.
Lesson 3: Cook What They Want to Eat
If our autistic child doesn’t eat what we have cooked for them, why not cook what they want to eat?
This philosophy applies to everything. Start thinking from their perspective, respect their opinions and choices, and be thick-skinned. No apologies are required for doing what’s best for our child.
Lesson 4: Understand, Equip, and Prepare Them for the Future
As parents and caregivers, we need to bring ourselves to our children’s level of understanding to help them process the world around them. Remember, they are trying very hard to do this on their own, and it can be exhausting to their senses.
We can provide them with tools like trampolines and painting kits or introduce activities such as swimming to help them regulate their emotions.
There was a time when Melody was very attached to me, and then one day, she switched and became very attached to her mother. Hence, it’s important for both parents to always be present and guide them through daily chores. Melody, for example, enjoys helping in the kitchen by slicing French beans or baking muffins. With our guidance as well as by mirroring our actions, she has learned to do her laundry.
As parents of an autistic child, we must think not only about the present but also about their future. Hence, teaching life skills like daily chores, hygiene, financial matters, and commuting is essential for their independence.
| This article is part of our series on autism and the parenting journey one takes with a child with autism. |
