Superdads, Assemble!

Superdads, Assemble!

May 8, 2022   Return

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

Cathie Wu

MA Coun Psy (CAN, USA)

Director and Counselling Psychologist

AbriMentalHealth.com

 

Just like mothers, fathers are irreplaceable. Traditionally the father is viewed more as a breadwinner, but the truth is, he has just as much significant impact on the emotional development of a child. Most children view their father as a superhero, the protector and the bedrock who fixes all problems in their lives. Perhaps paradoxically, a father also tends to fixate on his role as a breadwinner, sometimes to the point of being emotionally absent from the child’s life.

This month, we join counselling psychologist Cathie Wu as she takes a look at how a father can be a superhero to his child without having to  develop literal superpowers. After all, the true strength of a father isn’t measured by whether or not he can fly or hold up a bus with one hand—it lies within his heart.

CAPTAIN RESPONSIBLE

“I try to live my life like my father lives his. He always takes care of everyone else first. He won’t even start eating until he’s sure everyone else in the family has started eating. Another thing: my dad never judges me by whether I win or lose.”

American footballer Ben Roethlisberger

Much has been said about a father’s responsibilities. He is a breadwinner, just like Mom. He is a pillar of strength and a bedrock of support. He teaches life’s valuable lessons, but he allows his children to learn from mistakes. The list goes on and it may seem intimidating especially to first-time fathers.

However, being a father is not about following a set of rules. It’s about living out the experience, appreciating the ups and learning from the downs of fatherhood.

Cathie Wu offers a few tips on getting the hang of a father’s responsibilities.

Work as a team with your partner. Fathers and mothers often have different roles within and outside of the family.

Being responsible as a parent will always mean that the parental team must be  united. For a father, this will include a commitment to communicate to his wife and children, and to have discussions on how to share parenting roles.

Resist making promises that sound good but can’t be delivered. It’s okay to proceed slowly and steadily in demonstrating responsibility and reliability.

Being a father is never about solely providing for the family. It’s also about providing enough love, attention and support to make a positive difference ina child’s life.

According to 2017 statistics from the US Census Bureau, children in the US raised in a household without a father are

  • More likely to have behavioural problems (including committing crimes) and substance abuse.
  • Twice more likely to drop out of school.
  • Four times more likely to live in poverty.

Hence, a father’s love and affection is arguably as important as—or perhaps even more important than— his ability to provide for the family.

Cathie Wu has some advice for fathers on being the best daddy they can be to their children:

Develop an individual relationship with each child. With multiple children this may be harder but learning about each individual child will help strengthen the parental bond and make each child feel more included.

Learn to understand your child on a deeper level. When an emotionally safe relationship is built, a good father is interested to know their child better.

Understanding has to come before problem-solving. Teach children to be resilient (help them learn how to meet obstacles, address or cope with issues openly, not be demoralized by “failures” but retain a sense of motivation, etc) via good communication as well as leading by example. Children often learn more through observation of others.

Cultivate a good strong marital relationship. Parent can teach kids many valuable lessons about love, respect, loyalty, interpersonal skills, overcoming obstacles, etc through their marital relationship. On the other hand, when the marital relationship is experiencing dissatisfaction, it will invariably affect the kids. So, communicate regularly with loved ones. Show affection through words or physical touch. Make quality time (quality over quantity).

THE UNKNOCKABLE

An undervalued trait of fatherhood is a sense of humour. A good sense of humour doesn’t just teaches a man to laugh, it sometimes can help one better cope with the hard knocks in life. A sense of humour also allows the father to view life through different and even unusual perspectives, which in turn helps him become more spontaneous and adaptable.

When balanced with a good sense of responsibility, a father who doesn’t take life too seriously is a steadying presence to the family during a crisis, and a brightening source of joy to all during happier times.

Furthermore, research shows people with a sense of humour tend to have a lower risk of falling into depression. There are also studies that suggest they are better equipped to manage stress, which in turn can have positive benefits to blood pressure, heart rate and possibly the immune system and digestion.

Therefore, it’s fine to be silly and have a laugh now and then. Whether it’s blowing soap bubbles to make a baby laugh or using gentle humour to reassure older kids when they experience failure, it’s all good.

Cathie Wu has some advice on this for fathers.

Look at the big picture. Let go of the concept of perfection and focus on your strengths. Admit that you can and will make mistakes, and so will the people around you— nobody is infallible, after all.

Learn to have a laugh over the trivial stuff. Find your favourite comedian and learn how and when to use a lighthearted perspective on things. HT

“Becoming a father increases your capacity for love and your level of patience. It opens up another door in a person—a door which you may not even have known was there. That’s what I feel with my son. There’s suddenly another level of love that expands. My son is my greatest joy, out of everything in my life.”~ actor Kyle MacLachlan

 

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CHILD NUTRITION AND HAND HYGIENE

CHILD NUTRITION AND HAND HYGIENE

May 8, 2022   Return

WORDS HANNAH WAY-LEE WONG

Q: My children are spending a lot of time at home lately. How do I keep them healthy?

The best way to make sure your child stays healthy at home is to give them proper and balanced nutrition. 

Parents should also allow their children to get adequate amounts of exercise and exposure to sunshine. Physical activity helps children build up their bones and muscles. Furthermore, I would recommend parents to organize fun activities that can stimulate the mind and encourage interaction among family members at home.

Q: Can you recommend some food and nutrition tips for my child?

All children require proper nutrition, and that refers to an adequate balance of proteins, carbohydrates, and vitamins. There is no single food or vitamin that can fulfil all your child’s nutritional needs.

Some children may have iron or vitamin D deficiency. These children might need some additional supplements. That said, as general rule, most balanced meals will contain all the nutrients a child would need. Just remember to not to give your child too much junk food and sweets. 

Q: How can I teach my young children to practice hand hygiene?

Children should be taught how to wash their hands the right way, and this can be taught very easily. A good indicator of how long you should wash your hands is to sing the “Happy Birthday” song from beginning to end twice. The best part is, when you teach children the correct technique of handwashing, they will likely remember it for the rest of their lives.

Q: Should parents use hand sanitizers on their young children?

Most hand sanitizers contain 70% alcohol in order to be effective. I wouldn’t recommend exposing a child to hand sanitizers, unless it is unavoidable. The best method of hand hygiene for babies and young children is to use soap and water.

3 IMPORTANT STEPS TO ENSURE A HEALTHY PREGNANCY & BABY

WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SCOLIOSIS

May 8, 2022   Return

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

 

TAKE FOLIC ACID

“Folic acid is very important for pregnant women. It can prevent abnormalities of the brain and central nervous system,” says Professor Dr Nazimah Idris, a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist.

She recommends to start taking folic acid at least 3 months before getting pregnant, and to continue for at least 3 months into pregnancy. 

 

GET THE NECESSARY SHOTS, IF YOU HAVEN’T YET

Infections such as rubella can also produce structural abnormalities in the baby. However, with vaccination programmes in place, incidence of this is now very much reduced.

Diabetes though is a condition that, according to Prof Nazimah, is of great concern. Diabetic embryopathy refers to abnormalities in foetuses caused by high sugar levels in pregnant women and can cause abnormalities in the brain, gastric system, heart, skeletal system, and even the renal tract.

   

IF YOU HAVE AN EXISTING MEDICAL CONDITION, GET THEM UNDER CONTROL

Women with diabetes that are planning to have a baby should get their blood sugar levels under control. “High sugar levels are toxic to the baby. This is especially detrimental to the foetus in the first trimester, when it is developing and when organs are forming. If you are exposed to ‘toxins’ or teratogens when you’re forming, you won’t form very well,” says Prof Nazimah. 

It is imperative for someone who has diabetes, heart disease or hypertension to seek a doctor’s advice before getting pregnant, according to Prof Dr Nazimah.

Nonetheless, even for women that have no existing medical condition that they are aware of, Prof Dr Nazimah still urges them to visit a doctor, in order to examine any existing pregnancy risk factors and to get advice on how to ensure a safe delivery of a healthy baby. 

KEEP TRACK OF THESE DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES

KEEP TRACK OF THESE DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES

May 8, 2022   Return

WORDS HANNAH MAY-LEE WONG

 

Each child grows and develops at a different pace. However, consultant neonatologist Dr Hasmawati Hassan explains that there are certain developmental milestones that parents should keep track of, to ensure their child is growing at a healthy rate.

More importantly, monitoring a child’s developmental milestones closely allows parents to pick up developmental delays early, if they are present. Early detection of developmental delays and getting the appropriate intervention may be helpful in minimizing its impact on the child’s overall growth.

Dr Hasmawati shares a few early warning signs parents need to be aware of.

 

Gross motor development

A child should be able to:

  • Momentarily sit without support at 6 months
  • Pull to stand at 9 to 10 months
  • Walk at 12 to 14 months.

 

Early warning signs of developmental delay:

  • Not being able to achieve head control at 4 to 6 weeks
  • Not able to roll over by 5 months
  • Not able to sit by 8 months
  • Not able to stand with support by 10 months
  • Not able to walk by 15 months.

 

Fine motor development

  • A newborn’s hands will remain fisted until 3 months.
  • At 9 to 12 months, a child should be able to do a two-finger grasp.

Early warning signs of developmental delay:

  • The child’s hands remain fisted after 3 months or do reach out for objects after 5 months.

 

Behaviour and Social Development

A child should have the ability to display stranger anxiety at 7 months, and drink from a cup at 12 months.

Early warning signs of developmental delay:

  • The child is very quiet, does not smile or laugh, does not responding to his/her name, or displays no stranger anxiety at 6 to 9 months.
  • At 9 to 12 months, the child does not understand cues like ‘wave bye-bye’.

 

Speech and Hearing

  • A child begins to learn to speak by staring with cooing.
  • As the child ages, they learn to respond to sounds and eventually verbalize simple words such as ‘mama’ or ‘dada’.

 

Early warning signs of developmental delay:

  • The child does not smile at 3 months
  • They make no attempt to laugh at 6 months
  • They do not babble and respond to their name at 6 to 9 months
  • They are still babbling or are quiet at 9 to 12 months.

 

Advice for Parents

If parents notice any of the above signs indicating possible developmental delays, they should seek help from a pediatrician or neonatologist.

Upon the advice of a doctor, the child may need to be assessed further by a multidisciplinary team of experts. They may include a child psychologist, developmental paediatrician, occupational therapist, physiotherapist, feeding and speech therapist, or others.

WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SCOLIOSIS

WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SCOLIOSIS

May 8, 2022   Return

DR-LIM-SZE-WEI

 

WORDS HANNAH MAY-LEE WONG

 

Scoliosis happens when the spine forms an abnormal sideways curve—usually in a C-shape or S-shape. People affected by scoliosis are most often diagnosed during their growth spurt years, usually between the ages of 10 to 17.

 

ARE HEAVY SCHOOL BAGS TO BLAME?

As scoliosis is usually diagnosed in a child’s schooling years, many parents mistakenly believe that heavy school bags are the cause of scoliosis. However, Dr Lim Sze Wei assures that this is only a myth.

He explains, “Research and medical reports have noted that there are no associations between the occurrence of scoliosis and heavy school bags.”

 

CAUSES OF SCOLIOSIS

In most cases, the exact cause of scoliosis is not known. That said, scoliosis is more common in people with genetic conditions such as cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy. It is also more common in girls than boys, and in children who have siblings or close relatives with scoliosis.

 

SIGNS OF SCOLIOSIS

One of the most common signs of scoliosis is uneven shoulders, shoulder blades or hips. This can be observed if one shoulder or one side of the hip looks to be drooping below the other side.

“The head not being centered with the rest of the body is another common sign of scoliosis,” Dr Lim adds.

Parents can also do the Adam’s Forward Bend Test to check if their child has scoliosis. They can do so by asking their child to bend forward with both palms between the knees. Any imbalances in the rib cage or along the back could be a sign of scoliosis. If signs of scoliosis are observed, it is best to consult a doctor as soon as possible. 

 

TREATMENT

Treatment for scoliosis can range from non-surgical to surgical treatment options. A doctor would recommend a treatment plan according to the severity of scoliosis and the age of the patient. 

“For mild scoliosis cases, non-surgical treatment methods such as exercises or a wearing a scoliosis brace can help slow down or stop the progression of scoliosis.”

“However, these methods cannot fix the curvature in the spine. Patients will need to be monitored throughout their lives to ensure their condition does not worsen,” Dr Lim concludes.

3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR KID OVERCOME THEIR SEPARATION ANXIETY

3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR KID OVERCOME THEIR SEPARATION ANXIETY

May 8, 2022   Return

dr-yong

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

 

LET THE CHILD IN EARLY ON WHAT THEY CAN EXPECT AT SCHOOL, AND MAKE IT SEEM FUN AND EXCITING

One way to reduce your child’s separation anxiety, Dr Yong advises, is to let them know in advance what being in a classroom will be like.

“Make it sound exciting instead of fearful,” she says. “Use phrases such as ‘You are so lucky’ to reduce your child’s worries.”

 

SEND YOUR CHILD OFF AND BE THERE WHEN SCHOOL DAY IS OVER

If you drop your child off at school, do so at the same time every day if possible.

Also, Dr Yong advises being there early when picking up your child, so that they won’t have to wait all alone in a strange environment.

The same applies if your child takes a bus or private chartered vehicle to school. Send off your child when the vehicle arrives, and be there with a smile when your child gets out of the vehicle at the end of a school day.

This routine will let your child find comfort in knowing that Mommy or Daddy will always be there for them no matter what happens at school.

 

OFFER HUGS AND KISSES, BUT WITHOUT FANFARE.

You can ease your child’s separation anxiety at the start of the day by developing a simple goodbye ritual, such as a kiss on the cheek or a hug.

However, some children may take the opportunity to cry and act up when it’s time to be temporarily separated from their parents.

If your child does this, don’t cave in no matter how much your heart breaks to do so. Just calmly walk away once your child is safely in the care of their teacher.

Don’t worry—you likely won’t be causing great emotional distress in your child by leaving without fanfare. Dr Yong shares that some teachers had confided in her on how some teary-eyed children would quickly calm down and even get along well with other children shortly after their parents had left!

 

HOWEVER, A CAVEAT

If you notice after a few weeks that your child still resists going to school, or acts in other ways to suggest that their time at school wasn’t going well, these could be warning signs that your child may be subjected to bullying by their classmates or harsh treatment from the teacher.

You should make some discreet enquiries or consult the school principal to look further into this matter.

Deal or no deal?

Deal or no deal?

May 8, 2022   Return

Negotiating with kids can result in a win-win situation.

Negotiations are part and parcel of the corporate world. A good discussion results in a win-win situation, an understanding that is mutually beneficial as it is binding. The benefits of bargaining can actually go beyond the boardroom, as something that can get moms and kids on the same page when it comes to things such as new purchases, homework and TV time.

Boardroom tactics

Ros Fajardo, mom to 9-year old Russ, put this into practice when they drew up a list of daily activities for the boy to follow during the school year. “We agreed that there will be no gadgets from Monday to Thursday. But, if he finishes his homework and [worksheets] before bedtime, he can have 30 minutes of playtime. I wanted to impress on him that time well managed means more time for play,” explains the key accounts manager.

She admits having an ulterior motive in asking for Russ’ help with the timetable. “Actually, there was no consensus really in the beginning. I just presented it so he’d buy into it. In my ranking of important activities, I prioritize academic performance, so I needed to put in place blocks of time per activity,” she shares.

Russ balked at the negotiation stage, grumbling about the chunk of time set aside for studying, but Ros held her ground. “Although a child may resent the [schedule], take away the routine and he’ll feel lost and out of his element. At this point of the negotiation, consistency is key. As a parent, you need to build your credibility,” she says. Her bottom line, more than getting high marks in school, was teaching a value. “I wanted to teach him, ‘Don’t expect life to be easy, so better be ready for it. Hard work will get you place. You cannot feel entitled to everything.”

What to haggle on

Opening the floor for discussion is encouraged by Winston Jerome Luna, vice president for academic affairs at St. Jerome School in Novaliches and St. Jerome Science Montessori in Caloocan, Philippines. “Involving kids [in] decision making [for] certain things that concern them gives them the ability to freely express and communicate their issues, feelings and dilemmas to the parent. In the long run, this open line of communication will serve as a solid foundation in the relationship between parent and child,” he says.

There are certain things that Winston says are non-negotiable: anything that concerns rules of law or health and safety are definitely off the table. “Leisure and rewards can be negotiated,” he adds, further stating that negotiable points include those that promote growth, challenge kids to be better people, make them productive and give them the energy for excellence.

Winston gives his own thoughts about creating a winning resolution when negotiating with a school-going child: “A win-win situation is a state where both parties are happy and agreeable. This can be achieved by setting the platform ahead of time. Kids should understand clearly what is [or isn’t] negotiable … Kids will understand and accept decisions that are non-negotiable and they would know as well when to ask for more or disagree on things.”

The bottom line is yours

Establishing open communication and boundaries at the same time can create a win-win setup. Maridel Saguil-Regala imprinted this fact early in her 4 children. “Even when they were toddlers, I would explain why I was doing certain things, like, I would put them on an elevated surface while I mopped the floors to make it clean enough for them to play on. I also told them that if they moved around too much, they will fall and hurt themselves,” she shares. This was her way of making them understand that what she does always has a reason – primarily, it’s to look out for them.
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As they grew older, she says this openness has helped her set the tone for their discussions. She says, “If my 13-year old, for example, wants to go to the mall with her friends, and there are chores that need to be done in the house, she understands why those chores should come first.” Early training is important, because kids today have become experts at wheedling and cajoling, courtesy of what they see on TV. Parents have to listen to reason, but must stand firm on decisions, or else the kids will walk all over them.

Winston underscores the value of teaching kids to operate within some form of family democracy. “Negotiation plays an important role in life. The best negotiators are often the one who can get the best in any of their endeavours. If parents practice this at home, kids will have a bigger chance to succeed, since they’re trained to analyze and give their input at a young age. Training them in this aspect allows them to practice critical thinking and expand their understanding and reasoning abilities,” he explains.
Dialogues are now taking place in modern parenting, where kids can express their views, and parents allow for negotiations – but still have the final say. Think of it as training your kids to deal with conflict resolution with an open mind and diplomacy.

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Getting Your Kids to Eat Right at School

Getting Your Kids to Eat Right at School

May 8, 2022   Return

Smart eating is all about eating right in order to lead a healthy lifestyle. It is also easier to do than most people think – even kids can do it with the right advice and support from their parents!

Now that the kids are off to school, parents should ensure that their children continue to eat healthily. You may be wondering, “My kids are in school! How can I watch over what they are eating?” Well, here are some tips to help parents like you get started.

Make time for breakfast

Breakfast recharges your children, restoring their energy and vital nutrients after a night of sleep. This means better learning and improved school performance. There is also less chances of them overeating during recess.

  • Prepare meals in advance using simple ingredients that can be refrigerated and re-heated, if necessary, e.g. sandwiches.
  • Stock-up some healthy breakfast food choices such as a cup of yogurt or small packet of milk, for a “grab and go” breakfast when your child is in a hurry.
  • Cook in bulk during weekends and pre-packing them for easy preparation and consumption throughout the week. It takes only a short while to reheat the foods in the morning.
  • If your children have problems waking up in time to catch their transportation to school, prepare their breakfast in a container for them to eat while on the way to school or before the school starts.

Help them get the most out of lunch

One of the challenges in shaping healthy eating habits among your children can be the type of foods being sold at the school canteen. Depending on the canteen, sometimes the foods sold may be high in fat and sugar content, for example fried foods and sweetened beverages. Soft drinks and sugary foods may also present an irresistible temptation to your children. You can help steer your children in the right direction via the following ways:

  • Prepare and pack healthy snacks for children to bring to school instead of buying food at the school canteen.
  • Teach them about healthy food choices so that they can select healthier options when buying canteen foods and choose the less healthy ones as an occasional treat. Some examples:
    • Cut down on deep-fried or oily foods as much as possible – instead of kari laksa, for example, go for meehoon sup.
    • Drink more plain water, and save sugary beverages for special moments.

Help them manage peer pressure

Ultimately, your children may end up eating unhealthily not because they want to, but because all their school friends are eating such foods. Here are some tips to help your children make healthy eating choices while still fitting in well with their friends. If you practice these tips early, your children may also find it easier to say no to smoking and other unhealthy habits when they are older.

  • Always be open and communicative with your children. This way, they will be more willing to talk to you when their friends are asking them to do things that they are not comfortable with.
  • Teach your children to say ‘no’ without feeling like the odd duck out. Instead of just saying no, have your child explain why he or she feels that way. It can be anything from a simple “I don’t like the taste!” to “Too much soft drink can make me fat.”
  • Help build up your children’s self-esteem, to give them the confidence to say no to things they are uncomfortable with.
    • Be supportive and encouraging. You can kill two birds with one stone by leaving feel-good notes inside your children’s lunch boxes – it makes them feel better and gets them more interested in eating what you have prepared for them!
    • Let your children understand that it is normal to be a little different from everyone else. Therefore, it is perfectly fine to do things differently (for example, eating food from home during recess instead of buying canteen food). Help them understand that true friends will accept these differences and still love them for who they are.
    • Lead by example, and be a positive role model to your children. If they view you as confident, supportive and positive, they will most likely adopt the same attitude when it comes to food as well as life.

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First Day School Jitters

First Day School Jitters

May 8, 2022   Return

It’s the first day of school for your precious little one. She clings on to you as you both step into her kindergarten. Her eyes overflow with tears as she starts to sob loudly.

Sigh! So much drama on the first day at school … So, how do you handle your darling’s anxiety attacks as he steps into a new world? Have no fear. HealthToday is here to guide you and your little one through one of life’s most challenging experiences.

Start early

It’s good to teach your child skills she needs in everyday life like learning to use the toilet, washing and dressing herself, and keeping herself safe from danger.

Experts say you can start teaching your child the skills of everyday life from 6 months onwards. However, it’s good to wait until your child is ready to learn a new skill.

Your child may be successful at learning a new skill at first but she may go back to letting you do everything for her. For example, she might learn how to eat with a spoon quickly but she might still wants you to feed her especially when she’s tired. Just accept that children take time to change and adapt to new ways. Your patience is important for your child to progress.

Praise your child when she does something right. Smile, hug and kiss her to show how much you appreciate her right actions. When she does something wrong, gently correct and guide her.

Preparing for school

Learning skills for everyday life will boost your child’s confidence so she looks forward to starting school and is ready to learn.

As a parent, you can help your child prepare for school by getting her ready for her new routine. Here are some tips for starters:

  • Switch her meal times to match those of the school day.
  • Bring your child out and encourage her to explore new environments and socialize with new people.
  • Buy your child’s school uniform at least 1 month before school starts and let her practice putting it on and taking it off.
  • When you go to the school to buy books or for other purposes, bring your child along and let her get familiar with the environment.

The big day is here!

On the first day of school, try to create some excitement for your child. If you’re working, be sure to take the day off. Prepare a special meal that your child loves. Tell your child that you are proud of her – being a big girl going to school by the school bus.

Let her put on the school uniform, socks and shoes and help her along the way. Do remember to take a photo of her and a selfie of the two of you for remembrance sake. She will then feel the importance of the day.

Here are some tips to help your child adapt to life in school:

  • Help your child make friends with her classmates.
  • Explain that she will be learning new things in school and everyday is a new day.
  • Come up with a rewards system with little gifts like a pencil or eraser to encourage your child to go to school.
  • Most importantly, help your child with her homework.

Soon, your child will find school a real interesting place where she will have adventures of her own. All the best!

My child won’t stop crying!

Crying before going to school or even at school is common among children who have not yet adjusted to their new routine. Here are some things you can do to calm their emotions.

  • Firstly, is your child really suffering from tummy ache and other complaints? It does not hurt to send her to a doctor if your instincts tell you that something is wrong.
  • Don’t let your child delay your efforts to send her to school. Instead, calmly hand her off to his teacher, give her a goodbye kiss and assure her that you will come to pick her up when school is over.
  • Pick her up from school on time, as her anxieties may only increase if you are late.
  • Stay in contact with her teacher so that you can find out whether there is anything in class that is affecting your child’s ability to adjust to school.

References:

1. Being school-ready. Available at www.pacey.org.uk 2. NHS. Available at www.nhs.uk 3. Parents.com. Available at www.parents.com

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Mommy, I Want My Blankie!

Mommy, I Want My Blankie!

May 8, 2022   Return

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Have you seen a kid walk into a restaurant with a little bolster tightly clamped in his arm, and wondered why his mum would let her child hold on to it when it was not even bedtime? Have you seen a kid in an amusement park, enjoying herself in the ball pit with a blanket stuck to her tiny mouth? Well, these little items we often see children lug around are known as security blankets. The term security blanket is defined as a comfort item a child is attached to.

If you are a Peanuts comics fan, you would have seen how attached Linus Van Pelt is to his blue blanket and how his blanket plays a big role in his life. Well, in reality, that’s pretty much how a child sees their comfort item – a BIG DEAL!

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What’s the big deal about a blanket?

Your child’s “smelly blanket” is just one example of comfort items, items that children cling on to to a degree that may puzzle their parents. Comfort items can be anything a child discover an attachment to, but the most common item has to be the pacifier. Other common comfort items are soft blankets, handkerchiefs or hand towels, stuffed toys, dolls, or soft pillows.

There are also kids who get attached to certain body parts of their loved ones, especially their mother. Parts that are appealing to them are earlobes, face, and arms and to a really odd extent, even the moles and stretch marks on their mother’s body can be a source of comfort for a child as they strum their little fingers on it.

Is my child “weird” for wanting a comfort item?

Not at all. According to the American Academy of Paediatrics, the longing for a comfort item does not denote insecurity or weakness in a child; in fact, this carefully selected item embodies things that the child finds positive and comforting, such as his room’s scent or his mother’s soft touch. It acts as a coping mechanism for those moments when Mommy and Daddy cannot be by their side. It is their bosom-buddy, their confidant!

These comfort items provide emotional support, helping children cope as they transition to independence. It is a natural part of growing up. They usually pick their comfort item between 8-12 months old and continue to hold on to them for several years. Some children stay attached to the item right up to 9 years old or more before feeling absolutely secure without it (or too embarrassed to be seen with it in public!).

The degree of need for a comfort item also varies from one kid to another. Some constantly have to hold on to it, dragging it everywhere, while others want it by their side only at specific times such as eating, bedtime or travelling.

Parents and their child’s comfort item

While it’s all adorable seeing your child dragging their blankie around the house, there are some important pointers we should consider to ensure their safety isn’t compromised.

1. Presenting a choice

Since the selection of the comfort item is made naturally by the child from the things they come in contact with, at all times, parents should be cautious of what they surround their child with in the cot or playpen.

These objects should have qualities that can sooth the senses, e.g. soft fabrics such as fleece and satin. Avoid hard and small objects as a child may swallow them and choke– though this may sound too obvious an advice, many parents do over look this and have ended up rushing their kid to the emergency room

Be sure the items are not made with carcinogenic colouring and are safe for the child to put in their mouth (yes, sucking is a child’s primal way to de-stress), therefore purchase the items from trusted brands in the market.

2. Cleanliness is next to Godliness

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, make sure that your child’s comfort item is clean and free from germs. Wash it as frequently as possible with a baby-safe detergent. The last thing the child needs is to be hugging a ‘petri dish’ of infectious germs! If your child is reluctant to part with the comfort item, you can try exchanging the item with a similar one that is clean so the other gets a wash. Or do a quick wash and dry when the child is asleep. Suggesting bath time with the comfort toy is another option if faced with a temper tantrum – it can also be a fun way to get the child to learn the importance of cleanliness.

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It hurts to be separated

Parting is such sweet sorrow, literally for a child and their comfort item, therefore do not attempt to just force your child to part from their comfort item before they are ready to do so, even if they have grown to being a preschooler with it.

Remember the reason why they cling on to such an item is to help them cope with anxieties; therefore threatening or shaming them won’t stop their need for the item.

However, there may be moments when you may feel the need to intervene, such as when your child’s need for the comfort item affects their interactions with other children during school. When this happens, there are some things you can do to lessen the blow as you try to wean your child off the comfort item.

  • Take a positive, assuring approach so they can trust you when you tell them they can be without it. Talk to them and explain why the time apart is necessary – now that they are older, comprehension should come more easily.
  • Teaching the child to self-calm through singing, dancing, or talking to a trusted friend in school.
  • Also, assure the child that their comfort item will be waiting for them once they come home by having them place the item in their favourite spot at home or in the car, or in the hands of another sibling or Granny for safe-keeping.

Soon enough, you’ll discover that the “Lovey” they’ve lugged around from cot to classroom will eventually be a distant memory or a memorabilia tucked away in their closet.

References:

Baby Center. Available at www.community.babycenter.com

Baby Sense. Available at www.babysense.com

LiveStrong. Available at www.livestrong.com

Popsugar. Available at www.popsugar.com

SelfGrowth.com. Available at www.selfgrowth.co

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