Life, Love & Autism

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Life, Love & Autism

May 7, 2022   Return

Words Lim Teck Choon

Dr Sharifah Aida Alhabshi  
Consultant Paediatrician

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The word “autism” keeps ringing in your brain. Your voice breaks and you are tired of discussing it with doctors, family members, friends. You are bombarded by conflicting emotions – confusion, anger, grief, shame, worry. You want to hold your child, but your child shrieks and breaks out of your embrace to stare at something in the distance.

It is not pleasant when your child is diagnosed with autism, but it is not the end of the world. It can be, in fact, the beginning of a cherished journey for both parent and child. To illustrate this point, paediatrician Dr Sharifah Aida Alhabshi, who has a special interest in child learning difficulties and child psychology, helps to answer some questions parents may have about raising a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

 

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Question one

What is happening to my child?

The best explanation comes from a study published in 2014 in the Journal of Neuroscience. This study raises the possibility that children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can get triggered because their brain experiences some delays (temporal acuity) when processing information sent by their eyes and ears.

Because it takes longer for the child to make sense of the sights and sounds around him or her, it will take more effort to grasp simple concepts and to behave like other children.

Also, Dr Sharifah Aida points out that a child with autism tends to have some increasingly heightened senses compared to other children, while other senses may be delayed or require intervention in order to develop fully. Heightened senses may manifest in various ways that seem extreme to other people. For example, one child will find the soft whirr of a fan to resemble a painful screech in her head, making her scream in discomfort. The rub of the label of a shirt against the nape may cause great discomfort to another child, causing him to try to pull the shirt off.

It is also common for children with ASD to behave in ways that seem to suggest that they are living in their own world. See “The Girl That Makes Herself at Home” for an example of such behaviour.

This doesn’t mean that the child is stupid or mentally handicapped, far from it. With proper intervention sessions and plenty of love and support, a child with autism may learn to adapt to the world like fairly normal people. For children with more severe autism, they will need a little more support, but don’t lose hope – there are still ways to help them grow up to become fairly self-sufficient.

 

 

The Girl That Makes Herself at Home

Whenever her mother brings Molly (not her real name) to see Dr Sharifah Aida, Molly will happily move to sit on Dr Sharifah Aida’s lap. She will then play with the paediatrician’s computer, examine and play with  various objects at the desk, and generally act like she has never noticed Dr Sharifah Aida at all. The  paediatrician doesn’t mind at all; in fact, she assures the mother that such behaviour is quite common  among children with autism.

 

 

For a good idea of what the world looks and sounds like through the eyes of someone with autism, go to bit.ly/1RQSNNg for a video made by UK’s National Autistic Society.

 

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What Is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)?

It is a set of complex disorders of the brain and nerves. The child usually shows a unique repetitive behaviour, and can experience difficulties with social interaction.

There is a wide range of symptoms, skills and levels of severity, hence the word “spectrum” in the name of this condition. One child may experience only mild autism, while another child may need a little more help before he or she can perform basic daily activities.

What ASD Is Not

It’s not our fault. What we ate or did during the pregnancy did not cause our child to develop ASD.

Dr Sharifah Aida shares that there is no scientific evidence that it can be caused by foods, vaccines and medications. Some researchers speculate that environment may be one of the causes of ASD, but to date no one has found evidence to back up that speculation. There is likely a genetic component to ASD, though.

Therefore, don’t be so hard on ourselves – there is nothing to feel guilty about. Our child needs us. It is time to look to the days ahead, rather than to dwell on matters that we have little to no control over.

Our child is not stupid. Someone with ASD may still learn to interact well with other people, even forming meaningful relationships and holding jobs. Even those with severe ASD can learn to be self-sufficient when they are adults. Therefore, there is no reason to assume the worst for our darling just because he or she has ASD!

Our child is not deliberately naughty. He or she is not deliberately testing our patience or embarrassing us in public. It’s just that our darling’s brain is wired to perceive the world in a different way. Once we can understand what this is like for our child, we will be able to communicate better with him or her.

Autism is not a curable disease. There is currently no specific treatment that can cure autism. While there are medications and supplements out there that claim to do so, Dr Sharifah Aida points out that these claims have not been scientifically proven. Despite a lack of cure, there is still an opportunity for a child with autism to grow up to be a relatively well-adjusted adult, as we shall soon see.

 “I don’t want my thoughts to die with me, I want to have done something. I want to make a positive contribution – know that my life has meaning.” – Mary Temple Grandin, a person with autism who only started speaking when she was three and a half years old, and who went on to become a professor of animal science at Colorado State University.

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A Child’s First Flight

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A Child’s First Flight

May 7, 2022   Return

Words Hannah May-Lee Wong

Flying for the first time sure is exciting. Soaring thousands of feet above the air, waving goodbye to the tiny houses below, seeing clouds float by and anticipating arriving at a new destination. Yes, it is an exhilarating experience… right up until the little one gets tired, bored, hungry or scared. To curb a possible meltdown, here are a few tips you can use to keep the young ones happy (or calm, at least).  

#1  Snack attack

In preparation for countering those hunger tantrums, come armed with your own nutritious selection of munchies. Pack some whole-grain crackers, small boxes of raisins, cereal, nuts or sandwiches. These wholesome snacks will keep the child’s fingers occupied while filling their tummies. For drinks, besides plain water, you could pack some milk powder to make a comforting warm beverage on board. Just ask the flight attendant for some hot water.

#2  Games and activities

The unfamiliar and confining space of an aeroplane may make some kids uncomfortable. Keeping them engrossed or entertained can help to relax or distract them. Bring along their favourite storybooks and read to them. You could also pack some colouring pencils for drawing or colouring, or workbooks that have puzzles or mazes to solve. Join in the fun and play a few rounds of “I spy with my little eye”. Yet another option is to bring some child-friendly travel version of board games such as tic tac toe, bingo and snakes-and-ladders.

#3  Nap time

When the kids are tired out (and they surely will be after all those tedious check-in processes), take the opportunity to put them down for a nap. Although plane seats aren’t the most conducive to sleep in, make the best of the situation by bringing along a small blanket, a pillow and a favourite soft toy for your child to cuddle up to.

#4  Prepare for take-off (and landing)

With air pressure changes, loud noises and lots of sudden movements going on, take-off and landing can be distressing for the young ones. Keep them calm by holding their hand and getting them to look out the window to take their mind off the scary stuff. As young ears are especially sensitive to pressure change, it could get quite painful for them during the plane’s ascent and descent. Let them sip on some water, suck a lollipop or chew on some dried fruit to reduce ear discomfort.

Have an enjoyable flight!

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Sibling vs. Sibling

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Sibling vs. Sibling

May 7, 2022   Return

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Words Hannah May-Lee Wong

Cathie Wu

Counselling Psychologist

 

The relationship between siblings can be complex. If all goes well, a sibling can be a dependable anchor of family support through the course of your life. They will be there to celebrate with you during special occasions, mourn with you through life’s sorrows and reminisce with you about the good old times growing up – they’re your best and greatest ally. Sadly, that’s not always the case in many families. In contrast, a rivalrous and bitter sibling relationship can feel like an unrelenting thorn in the flesh – a painful reminder of the hurts and trauma of childhood.

Rivalrous relationships between siblings do exist. It can get quite intense and aggressive, and resolving such conflict requires the cooperation of both parties. It is a matter of choice. In some families, the issues resolve, but in many others, they don’t. Psychologist Cathie Wu tells us about the psychosocial aspects of sibling rivalry.  

What causes sibling rivalries?

The psychosocial explanation is that it happens when children, specifically the older child, gets ‘dethroned’ when the younger child is born. This makes the older child feel insecure. A firstborn often feels like there was once a period of security and love. When the rest of the children come along, he or she will get a sense that the love and attention is now divided. Because of that, it is not uncommon to feel insecure, and they start to compete for the attention of parents. It’s usually a competition for perceived scarce resources – they perceive their parents’ love and affection as scarce resources. We use the term “perceived” because the love of a parent isn’t necessarily quantifiable. Other perceived scarce resources could be privileges or material things: they might fight over a toy that they perceive as the only one or the best one. 

Furthermore, parental issues such as playing favourites would exacerbate the rivalry.

Does sibling rivalry occur the same way across ethnic groups?

There isn’t really a difference in sibling rivalries found in Western and Eastern families. But what I sometimes find in Asian societies is that Asian families seem to value harmony more. Asian parents may be very quick to cut in and try to balance the relationship – a move which is not recommended. Among young kids, some competition is natural and quite common.

Even though research is still quite lacking in this area, sibling rivalry can be found across different socio-economic levels and ethnic groups. It tells us that it’s more likely a psychosocial issue rather than a biological issue.

Does personality play a role?

Personality, which is the slightly more biological aspect, does come into play and can affect the situation. If you have children who are very flexible, then they may not have such intense rivalry.

Does age gap affect how siblings get along?

The more similarities children have, the more likely they are to fight. Similarities like gender and a close age gap increase the likelihood of fighting because their developmental stages are more similar. They tend to perceive things the same way and want the same things, and that’s when they vie for attention.

Does birth order affect behaviour and personality?

Yes. A very famous psychologist named Alfred Adler has done extensive research in this area. Findings show that the first child is typically more responsible, independent and nurturing. There’s also an interesting correlation of firstborn children being more likely to hold higher positions in corporations (more leadership positions). But on the flip side, there is a higher likelihood for firstborns to have psychological maladjustments. Because of those years of carrying burdens, responsibilities or expectations, firstborns tend to be people pleasers. They also tend to be more confident.

The middle child is usually a little bit quieter, more patient and seemingly more reserved. They find their place in the middle, and thus it defines their identity.

The youngest child is the baby of the family. Because they grew up in a secure environment, they may feel freer to explore and this is perhaps why they tend to be more risk-taking, life-of-the-party kind of people. They also are more likely to seek attention because they are so used to getting it.

These are some common patterns in relation to birth order, but they aren’t definitive.

Is competition among siblings always a bad thing?

Competition among siblings is not necessarily unhealthy as children can learn and develop through this. They learn social skills, verbal skills, how to adjust their emotions, how to bargain and negotiate. Building all these soft skills in the safe environment of home is often the best way. Mild to moderate types of vying for attention is perfectly normal. That’s how most kids play and learn.

On the other end, if assault or abuse happens, it’s no longer sibling competition or rivalry – it turns into sibling maltreatment and that’s unhealthy. Research has indicated that if an individual shows persistent violence towards family members, he or she is very likely to carry on with it outside of the family. They become bullies. This points to a red flag and the individual should receive help.

How should family members react when siblings get aggressive towards each other? Should they take sides, ignore or intervene?

For mild to moderate cases of sibling rivalry, it is best for parents to first observe as a third party. If the kids are still trying to figure things out between each other in an argument, you may not need to interfere. If you’re too quick to interfere, there may be consequences and it gets tricky. What seems fair and logical in the eyes of an adult or parent may not be so from a child’s point of view. Many times, parents want to interfere immediately to break apart potential fights. But their children can perceive this as the parent taking sides.

If you feel like things are going to get aggressive and physical, interfere in a way that does not point out who is right or who is wrong. Interfere by using ground rules. For example, if the kids are hitting each other in the backseat of the car, instead of saying “don’t hit your brother”, remind them of the ground rules: “in the car, we treat each other nicely” or “there is no beating each other in the car”. When you refer to the ground rules, you are alluding to whoever is breaking the rules. The difference may be subtle, but it can give very different effects.

Can such rivalry carry on into adulthood?

Most of the time, after kids have learnt how to navigate with their social skills, they enter adolescence and their attention shifts from home to school or even outside of school. They will naturally have other things to worry about, so the sibling rivalry gradually lessens.

That said, in some cases, sibling rivalries can carry on. Certain feelings of unfairness, extreme insecurity, inferiority, feeling the need to retaliate by aggression can linger and collect. As a psychologist, I do see many adults that come in for a set of symptoms, some even have clinical symptoms and after some analysis, the issues connect back to the family. 

The competition and rivalry between kids turn into envy as they get older. The vying for parents’ attention evolves into a competition for other forms of scarce resources, perhaps money or prestige. They may start to compare with their siblings and develop feelings of envy.

The prolonged conflict between siblings and even other family members can be unhealthy and can lead to psychological issues such as anxiety, depression or low self-esteem. It is especially a struggle in Asian societies because most people feel the need to put on a façade, pretend to get along during festivities and put on a show for their elderly parents. In the West, individualism may ultimately prevail, and toxic relationships and individuals may be more readily cut out if things cannot be patched up.

How can parents foster a close and strong bond among their children?

This gets tougher the more children you have. My professional advice is to try and develop a quality relationship with each child individually. That way, even if other children come along, it is less perceived as a loss of attention. If a child can see that he or she gets quality time and has a good relationship with the parents, the rivalry is less likely to develop.

Don’t be too quick to interfere and try to prevent potential fights.

To foster close and strong bonds among your children, try to develop a quality relationship with each child individually.

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Have No Fear, My Brave Little One

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Have No Fear, My Brave Little One

May 7, 2022   Return

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

Most of us have heard of the story of Little Red Riding Hood. The version we are familiar with is one of many retellings that had been passed down from parent to child over centuries.But do you know that there is a lesser known version, as retold by the Brothers Grimm, which saw Little Red Riding Hood, having survived her encounter with the Big Bad Wolf, meeting another similar wolf in the woods?

She eventually sets a trap by pouring the water her grandmother had boiled some sausages in into a river. Lured by the smell of sausages, the trips into that river and drowns. Little Red Riding Hood then happily goes home, knowing that she will never be threatened by wolves ever again.

Real life isn’t a fairy tale, as much as we may sometimes wish it to be, and hence, children who are fearful may need a little help and support to deal with their fears. Clinical psychologist Shazeema Mashood Shah shares with us some insight as to how we can help our own Little Red Riding Hoods and Peter Pans overcome the Big Bad Wolves and Captain Hooks that cause them fears and anxieties.

DON’T BE AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID

Everyone feels fear. It isn’t just kids who harbour anxieties about the great and frightening unknown, we grown-ups and parents do too. Whether it’s a fear of flying or of heights, our fears are rarely rational. No matter how much we are presented with evidence on how statistically small our chances are of dying in a plane crash, for example, our fear of flying may remain a tough one to douse.

Shazeema points out that if we adults still have a hard time tamping down our fears sometimes, children often have a harder time. After all, they are still learning about the world, and there is still much that is confusing and even frightening about it.

Childhood is a time for many ‘firsts’ – first time at school, first time being away from parents and home, first time meeting strangers, first time making friends, first time using the toilet without aid from their parents… for many children, the idea of doing these strange new things may fill them with anxiety and even fear.

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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF FEAR

What we know so far about fear is that our brain has a ‘fear centre’ called the amygdala, which is located in the temporal lobe region.

Shazeema says that being afraid is not necessarily a negative thing. “Being scared is one type of survival instinct,” she explains, pointing out that we are often afraid of things that are inherently capable of causing great harm to us. “When we are afraid, our body is also primed to run,” she adds. Our heart races faster as it pumps more blood to our organs in anticipation of a burst of activity (either running away or fighting), and with that, we experience other sensations usually associated with fear, such as sweaty palms, nervousness, trembling and more.

Research has found that there is a consistent response to fearful threats across different species. The brains of rats and humans, for example, respond similarly to these threats. However, the types of threats can differ from one person to another. One child may be scared of the dark and can only be comforted by having her beloved puppy by her side, for example, while her brother has no problems with the dark but is afraid of dogs instead.

The bottom line is that fear is not a sign of weakness. It’s perfectly normal for a child (and grown- up) to have fears. It is only an issue when fear becomes so overwhelming that it prevents us from leading a normal life.

Reference: Dzierzak, L. (2008, October 27). Factoring fear: what scares us and why. Scientific American. Retrieved from www.scientificamerican.com/article/factoring-fear-what-scares

“MOMMY, I DON’T WANT TO BE A SCAREDY-CAT ANYMORE…”

If our children are often fearful, we as parents sometimes may end up worsening their fears by trying to downplay their fears as silly or becoming overprotective and over- coddling them. All these may cause the child to keep their fears to themselves instead, so that Mom and Dad won’t become angry or worried.

Shazeema has a few pointers to ensure that parents can help and support their children’s efforts to manage their fears.

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#1 COMMUNICATE WITH OUR CHILDREN

“Children may not always voice their fears to parents,” Shazeema points out. They may not know how to describe their fears, for example, or they may be reticent because of worry about how their parents will react.

One thing we can do is to open up more to our children. “Encourage frequent conversations with them,” Shazeema suggests. “Let them know that they can always talk to you about anything, no matter how silly it may be.” A good place to start is at the dining table, through conversations during family meals.

In the meantime, we should listen to what our children tell us. Let them speak, and we can let them know our thoughts once they have finished. If we are too quick to judge, scold or correct our children before they finish, they may feel discouraged from opening up to us in the future.

#2 REACH OUT TO OUR CHILDREN’S TEACHERS AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSE TO THEM

Our children may not open up to us readily, or prefer to keep things to themselves because they are worried about how people will react if these things come out into the open. When this happens, we may overlook signs that our children are experiencing emotional distress.

Therefore, Shazeema recommends building up a good rapport with our children’s teachers as well as our children’s friends and their parents. That way, we can ask them how our children are faring in their company. Sometimes, they may approach us if they feel that our children are having emotional issues.

#3 ARE WE INDIRECTLY FANNING OUR CHILDREN’S FEARS?

One thing that we parents sometimes overlook is that our children may be anxious or afraid as a response to our own reaction to various situations.

“If we let our anxieties show, our children will also behave the same way, thinking that it is the ‘normal’ way to react,” Shazeema says.

Therefore, it is worth taking time to discover whether we too are prone to being anxious and fearful. If our own responses are making our children anxious, it may be worth making the effort to manage our anxieties first.

#4 HELP OUR CHILDREN MANAGE THEIR FEARS, NOT SHELTER THEM

If our children are anxious or unhappy, it is natural to want to keep them from experiencing the source(s) of their fears. However, there is also a likelihood that, if we do this, we are only reinforcing their fears in the long run.

Shazeema suggests a better way: as parents, we can help them learn to tolerate their anxieties, so that they can still function to their best capability despite their emotional turmoil. This way, they will also learn how to deal with new or worrying situations in the future.

For example, our child is afraid to sleep in the dark. Instead of letting her sleep in a lit room, there are other things we can do. “We can place a soft lamp at the bedside table,” she says as an example, “or tell our child to try to sleep, and Mommy and Daddy will check up on them soon.”

Sometimes the child’s fears may feel irrational or silly, especially if we are already cranky or tired after a long day’s work, but we should remember that there are many things about this world that are still unfamiliar and hence frightening to our children. It is worth having some patience and keeping a good sense of humour when it comes to our children’s anxieties. Shazeema points out that, how we help our children cope with their fears and anxieties when they are young will be valuable when they become adults and have to deal with even more emotionally challenging situations.

TRY TO AVOID ASKING QUESTIONS OR SAYING THINGS THAT MAY INFLAME OUR CHILD’S FEARS. FOR EXAMPLE, IF OUR CHILD IS AFRAID OF AN UPCOMING CONCERT PERFORMANCE, AVOID MENTIONING HOW EVERYONE WILL BE WATCHING HER OR THE RISK OF FUMBLING DURING THE PERFORMANCE. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE, SUCH AS HOW PROUD WE ARE OF HER GETTING TO BE ON STAGE.

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#5 BE POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE, BUT DO SO WITHIN REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

We should not make promises that we can’t keep. For example, if our children are fearful of the upcoming examinations, we shouldn’t promise that they will surely pass the exams or the exams will be easy. If they don’t do well, this will only reinforce their fears and possibly even make them think twice about taking your future advice to heart.

Instead, we can tell them that they will be okay. It is the same with trying to get our children to try something new – instead of telling them that it will be fun (because they may not agree even after trying it), assure them that we will do it together with them, they will be fine, and if they still don’t like it, it’s fine; we can do something else after this. HT

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Fun & Inexpensive Ways to Get Your Kids to Learn New Things

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Fun & Inexpensive Ways to Get Your Kids to Learn New Things

May 7, 2022   Return

Words Lim Teck Choon

    1. Set up a weather station. Have your kids measure rainfall using empty drink bottles or jars and record the daily temperature using a thermometer for a start. They can record everything in a diary. As they become more knowledgeable about the weather, they can graduate to using home-made wind vanes to record the direction of the wind and home-made anemometers to measure wind speed. Hint! There is plenty of information online on how to set up a weather station for kids using simple materials.

 

    1. Learn a new language together. The whole family can attend a class or watch the relevant YouTube videos together. Practising together afterwards only adds to the fun.

 

    1. Visit historical monuments and geographical landmarks using Google Maps. Google Maps (www.google.com/maps) allows you to “bring” your kids to visit places such as the Pyramids of Giza, the Statue of Liberty, Mount Everest and more without having to get on a plane. Switch to satellite view to let your kids view these landmarks in 3D.

 

    1. Bring the family to visit a farm. This will let your kids discover what chicken, cows, ducks and more really look like. It will also introduce them to concepts such as agriculture, livestock breeding and more.

 

  1. Make new clothes out of old. If you are worried that your kids will grow up never being able to sew a seam or stitch a button, throw regular weekend sessions for the whole family to transform old clothes into fashionable delights. Let your kids practice adding hems, buttons and ribbons to these old clothes. For added fun, photograph the results for the family Facebook or Instagram. HT

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Dads, take care of yourselves too

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Dads, take care of yourselves too

May 7, 2022   Return

WORDS RACHEL SOON

Parenting is hard, especially when juggling it with household responsibilities and careers. While dads trying to help mums with parenting duties may be thought of as ‘tough guys’, self-care is as important for him as for her.

‘Self-care’ may bring up images of spa days and long baths, but what it really means is “pouring into yourself the resources you need to perform at your best,” according to Jennifer Wolf, a parenting coach and former writer for Verywell Family. She breaks self-care down into five key facets:

  1. Physical self-care.

This covers ‘typical’ bits of a healthy lifestyle; exercise, balanced diets, hydration and sleep. You don’t have to treat these as hit-or- miss targets, like “I have to exercise 20 minutes for 3 times a week, or else”. Instead, work them in as little daily habits, like taking the stairs instead of the lift, and adding more vegetables to your mixed rice plate. Every bit helps strengthen your body.

  1. Emotional self-care.

This means acknowledging how you feel about events. Fathers are allowed to feel frustration, anger, nervousness and other negative emotions. What’s more important is working out those feelings safely, rather than trying to bottle them up.

It can help to share your thoughts with your partner, your close friends, or even parent support groups. If you feel reluctant to open up to people you know, you could try writing in a journal, or finding an anonymous online forum for parents.

  1. Relational self-care.

It can be easy for a parent’s world to narrow down to a small planet with just themselves, work and their child. Spend some time with other connections in your life who care about you. Even a casual meal chit- chatting with siblings or a movie night out with your old gang of friends can help refresh you and put your challenges into perspective.

  1. Cognitive self-care.

Our brains have a constant need to learn and grow. Naturally, raising a child is itself a huge learning  and growing experience, but it’s important to engage in low-stakes learning experiences as well, whether it’s new skills (gardening, learning a new language, music, etc), or small activities like catching up on news, reading a book or playing puzzle games.

  1. Spiritual self-care.

Religious practices such as meditation or prayer can help “broaden your sense of self in relation to the rest of the world”, says Wolf. If you’re not particularly religious, quiet moments out in nature (a slow walk in a park, hiking, or a few minutes sitting on a bench outdoors) can also help you become more mindful of the wider world and relieve some feelings of internal pressure. HT

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Internet Safety For Children

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Internet Safety For Children

May 7, 2022   Return

WORDS JENNIFER F. NETTO

There’s nothing more comforting than to have your chicks safely back in the roost as they unwind on their gadgets in the solace of their rooms. But are they truly alone in their rooms and are they truly safe? Online gadgets are windows to another world, and no one is looking out for your child there. So how do we shield them from the unwarranted possibilities that lie in that realm?   

INTERNET, A DOUBLE- EDGED SWORD

The Internet has evolved tremendously and shrunken the size of the world we live in. The way we communicate, socialize, educate, trade, and run daily businesses of small to large scales have seen a paradigm shift from Graham Bell’s first telephone in the 19th Century to Zuse’s first binary computer invented in his parent’s living room in Germany in the early 20th century. The emergence of the Internet era brought marvels in the way the world worked around time and space, but like a double-edged sword, it continues to bring destruction in the hands of irresponsible people. While we have heard much in the media of grown adults being scammed out of their money and integrity, agencies and multinational companies succumbing to cybercrimes, and governments dealing with cyber security issues, our children are unfortunately not spared in this coded pandemic.

SPIDERS OF THE WORLD WIDE WEB

“With great powers come great responsibilities,” said Uncle Ben and he was right! The Internet has changed the way children learn and interact. It has become a wonderful medium for kids to research school projects, communicate with teachers and peers, and play interactive games that enhance their motor and cognitive skills. But if this infinite channel is used irresponsibly, it can be detrimental to our young ones because the threats on the Internet are real and they are not to be taken lightly.

According to the Malaysian Communication and Multimedia Commission (MCMC), the major threats that are faced on a daily basis are cyberbullying, sexting, pornography, violence, racial abuse and hatred, addictive online gaming and gambling, and online fraud and deception. These have become serious threats for anyone going online. The Malaysian Council for Child Welfare reported that suicidal and self-harm cases are on a rise among children as a result of cyberbullying and cyber gaming.  

These threats cannot be brushed aside as children are being exposed to these dangers at a very tender age. Parents cannot afford to be oblivious to what they open their child to, as such ignorance is costly. You might think that your child is safe because he or she is merely playing through an app which is not opened to the World Wide Web via an internet browser, and assume he or she cannot be bullied or be preyed upon.

Online apps allow a child to interact with others, and online predators may pose as a child or teen looking to make new friends. These posers may prod your child to exchange personal information, such as address and phone number, or encourage your child to call them so that they can see the phone number via caller ID.

SUPERVISION OR SNOOPERVISION?

The Asian parents of the Internet era are slowly breaking the stereotypical Asian parents of yesteryears—nosey, zero privacy and a litany of distrusting questions all day are slowly phased-out in these times, as privacy and independence take precedence. However, online safety should not be a variable in the changing trends of parenting. It is absolutely crucial to be extra vigilant on your child’s Internet activity because they cannot be entrusted with this heavy responsibility entirely on their own. Yes, your teenager is turning into an adult and in order to gain their respect you may think it’s necessary to trust them and to give them their space and privacy. But being teenagers ourselves, once upon a time, peer pressure and hormonal impulses is known to get the better of anyone and it is not a trust issue. So instead of snooping around your kids to see what’s going on in their lives, openly supervise them. Open a strong channel of communication with them so nothing is kept a secret in fear of being judged or punished or worse—outcasted.

Remind them, daily if you must, of the importance of staying safe with their personal information, passwords and photographs, and of not accepting strangers on their social media or gaming apps or revealing their whereabouts to strangers on the Internet. Raise their awareness about the perverts online who can possibly threaten your child sexually; who prey on the young, innocent, immature, and self-esteem of children. A study from the Journal of Adolescent Health confirms that explaining the consequences of actions by sharing with children or young teens the unfortunate real-life stories from the media caused by Internet threats can help them know how real these threats are. This can open a path for them to go to their parents when they start feeling pressured, afraid or threatened by friends or other online users.

It also helps to be their social media followers and gaming buddies. Take time to participate in their online activities as a way to monitor their behaviour and those who interact with them. On another note, as much as you are protecting your child from threats, be sure your child is not a threat to others. Educate your young ones on the importance of digital integrity and reputation—to be considerate and kind on social media, to respect others even when they have different views from yours and not to spread rumours or private contents of others. These habits can help prevent drawing trouble for themselves too.

CONTROL INTERNET USE

For parents with children who are too young to openly communicate matters, you can filter your kids’ Internet use by setting up iOS and Android profiles for them which can help you restrict or monitor the apps and games they download to their gadgets or the websites they visit. Some devices even come with time limit on Internet use—a good way to balance out their daily activities especially for parents who are busy working and their children are being cared by caretakers instead. Many software programmes and apps available in digital stores can give you detailed reports of your child’s browsing history and tell you how much time your child spent online and on each site. Utilise the child- friendly browsers by Google, Bing or Yahoo and block pop-ups that could surprise your child with X-rated content. Activate firewalls if you must. In addition, it helps to educate your child’s caretaker too—you can never be too careful.

IGNORE, BLOCK, DELETE, AND REPORT!

Knowing the lurking cyber threats can help in identifying them and acting accordingly. It is important to know when to ignore, block or delete the threat and to report them immediately. Some social sites like Facebook and Instagram have channels to do this within their portal. HT

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New Parents Special

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New Parents Special

May 7, 2022   Return

WORDS LIM TECK CHOON

DrYongJuninaFadzil

Dr Yong Junina Fadzil

Consultant Paediatrician & Paediatric Cardiologist

Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Junina

 

Parenting can be both a joyous and nerve-wrecking experience for a new parent In this special feature, we’ll share with you some of the things you can expect and how to make sense of the chaos in the first few weeks.

This feature is also a special celebration of a new phase in New Parents—we’re planning exciting events of which this feature is just a sample. Don’t forget to check out our Raising a Champ class,  see the end of this feature!

MAKING SENSE OF parenthood

So that’s a baby. Your baby. Your heart is full to bursting with love, happiness and awe—and you may also be panicking inside. How will you be a good parent? Can you be a good parent? How about…

Relax. Calm down. Take it from a consultant paediatrician and mother-of-three: it’d be fine. More than fine, in fact – it’d be an adventure of a lifetime!

What is the one thing many new parents tend to overlook when they are embarking on the parenthood journey?

To have fun and enjoy being parents! Some parents view their babies as a project, and they do a lot of research beforehand. However, every baby has their own quirks and personality; what works for one baby may not work for another.

Therefore, don’t have a rigid viewpoint when it comes to the rules of parenting. Be flexible, go with the flow, and make changes as necessary to accommodate your baby.

What are some general rules of the thumb for parents?

Know the basics. Make sure you know the fundamentals, such as when and how to feed as well as how to keep your baby clean, when to give your baby their shots, etc.

Update your dos and don’ts. Recommendations on safe practices may change with new findings, and what was once practiced may now be considered potentially harmful, so  keep yourself updated via books and the Web. Don’t blindly trust everything you read and hear, though – check and double-check the facts with relevant healthcare practitioners.

Monitor your baby’s growth. This can be done with the assistance of a paediatrician.

Do you have any advice for parents who are worried about their babies falling sick?

Always refer to a doctor. I’ve seen parents who prefer to post their concerns on social media, but the people responding to these concerns are often not medically trained. Also, they only have the parents’ words to go by—they do not see the baby and hence cannot make any proper diagnosis (if they are even qualified to do so). The advice given may be wrong and even dangerous for the baby.

The one thing parents need to be aware of is that a baby can become really ill in the blink of an eye, and there is rarely time for the parents to experiment on different types of medications.

Therefore, consult a doctor first and foremost when it comes to the baby’s health!

General practitioner or paediatrician—what’s the difference?

Paediatrician are doctors who, after graduating from medical school, spend a few more years training specifically to understand, diagnose, and manage health issues in children. That’s why they are also called ‘doctors for children’.

As a paediatrician’s patients are exclusively children, a paediatric clinic has equipment and devices designed to accommodate a child’s smaller size. The paediatrician’s clinic also dispenses medications with dosages that are adjusted for children.

General practitioners, also called family doctors, are not specialized in paediatrics. That’s not to say that they are unqualified to treat children—it’s just that a paediatrician is usually more well-versed to manage a child’s more serious or complicated health issues. Also, some parents may have better peace of mind knowing that their children are cared for by a dedicated children’s health specialist.

One last thing: let’s talk about the meddling parents…

It depends on the advice. If it’s sound advice, such as always boiling water before use, of course it’s worth following. When the advice is based on superstition, however, here’s a handy tip: use the paediatrician as your shield!

If the advice isn’t sound but you want to keep the peace, try saying that you have discussed with your paediatrician, who advised against it. Many paediatricians are familiar with the issue of good- intentioned, meddlesome parents with ill-informed advice (they may even have such parents!) and will likely take your side. If the parents are being difficult, try bringing them to the paediatrician’s clinic for a discussion.

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WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN AS IT GETS CLOSER TO THE BIG DAY

Have you noticed how most information available on motherhood often leads up to the big day, only to then skip forward to after the baby has arrived? Instead of leaving you to rely on anecdotal stories from other people—which may be contradictory, exaggerated or even misleading—we’ll let you in on what really happens.

What’s Labour, Exactly?

Simply put, labour is the series of contractions in your uterus. It opens or dilates and thins or effaces in preparation for you to give birth to your baby.

How Else Does Your Body Prepare for Delivery?

  • The placenta and umbilical cord send nourishment to the baby
  • The amniotic sac (bag of water) holds the fluid that surrounds your baby
  • The perineum is the area between the vaginal opening and the anus
  • The vagina is the birth canal
  • The pubic symphysis joint lies between the pelvic bones and allows the baby to pass through
  • The cervix is the narrow opening of the uterus
  • The mucous plug helps keep bacteria out of the uterus

Challenging positions

If your baby is not in a safe position for birth, or if there is a problem with the placenta, you may need special care. A caesarean section may also be needed. Common problems include:

Cephalopelvic disproportion (CPD): Baby’s head is too big for the pelvis.

Breech position: Baby is positioned with feet or buttocks first.

Transverse position: Baby lies horizontally the pelvis.

Placental abruption: Placenta separates from the uterus.

Placenta previa Placenta blocks the cervix.

Your baby moves into position: Babies often move down between the pelvic bones (descend) before birth. If this is your first pregnancy, this may happen 2-4 weeks before labour. With repeat pregnancies, the baby may not ‘drop’ until labour begins. The baby usually moves down head first. When the baby drops, you may find it easier to breathe. You may also feel more pressure on your bladder, causing you to urinate more often.

THE MOM’S GUIDE TO STAYING SANE & HEALTHY IN THE EARLY DAYS OF MOTHERHOOD

If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anybody else? RuPaul Andre Charles

A GUIDE TO FEELING LIKE YOUR OLD SELF AGAIN

Go with the flow. Plans and schedules usually get thrown out the window during the early days, so prioritize the bare essentials of keeping yourself and your baby well. The rest? Well, just go with the flow. You’ll figure out a routine eventually!

Keep track of medical matters. Speaking of schedules and plans, it will be good to record all required medical matters such as doctor’s appointments (for you and your baby) and medical check-ups (Pap smear, mammogram, etc). That way, you are less likely to overlook health-related matters.

Move, move, move! Exercise energizes you and helps you get back to your pre-pregnancy weight, and it is also a good pick-me-up activity. Sneak walking into your daily routine as much as possible, or join a yoga class.

Eat well and healthily! It can be tempting to skip meals when you are busy, but don’t. You
need to keep eating healthy, balanced meals like you used to, so that you can stay healthy and energized for both you and your kid.

Keep in touch with yourself. Don’t lose yourself in the bustle of TLC for the baby, your job, household chores, etc. Take some time out every day for you and you alone, such as having a cup of your favourite coffee or catching up on shows on Netflix while the baby is asleep. Devote an evening once a week just for you and your partner.

Keep in touch with the outside world. It can be tough to deal with the chaotic newness of
parenthood when you let your new, busy schedule cut you off from your other family members and friends. Try to devote some time once a week, or if that’s not possible, once a month to catch up with them. If you can’t leave the house to meet them,
invite them over for a meal.

Don’t skimp on sleep. It may be tempting to sleep less when you have so much to do, but remember, sleep recharges and reenergizes your body. Take a nap whenever you can during the day to make up for sleepless nights. It is also good to avoid cigarettes, alcohol and other substances that can affect your ability to sleep well. HT

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Fasting for Children

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Fasting for Children

May 3, 2022   Return

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Dr Yong Junina Fadzil   Consultant Paediatrician

Once again, the holy month of Ramadan is upon us. For parents with young children, fasting is the time to impress upon them the empathy one feels for the less fortunate. It is also a time for spiritual reflection – for many Muslim children, their early experiences in fasting can build a lifelong foundation for virtuous living.

“Ideally, if you follow religious standards of Islam, children should start fasting only when they reach puberty. However, in our society, many children wish to follow what their parents do and are curious about fasting. They may want to try fasting at a younger age,” says Dr Yong Junina Fadzil, a consultant paediatrician.

She adds that the most important thing is to make sure that children want to fast on their own will without being forced by their parents. “You need to allow them to explore their curiosity and support them.”

For example, children might start fasting later in the day and buka puasa earlier. “It’s actually all right to let them do that,” she says.

Eat and drink well

Dr Junina advises that children aged 9 years old and above, and who have not attained puberty can fast, provided their weight is within the healthy range and they don’t have any chronic illnesses like diabetes.

Parents can wake their children as late as possible before imsak and serve them a proper meal like rice with dishes. If their children want to break fast at lunchtime, they should be allowed to do so. When encouraged thus, children may want to extend their fast over time.

When breaking fast, children can be given dates to increase their blood sugar levels. This must be followed with a proper balanced meal consisting of carbohydrates, protein, fats, vegetables and fruits.

After breaking fast, children should drink a lot of plain water, malted drinks and milk to prevent dehydration. It’s best to avoid caffeinated beverages. Caffeine causes them to urinate often, becoming easily dehydrated. Before they go to bed, they can have supper consisting of beverage and kuih.

Children with illnesses must take medications regularly. Islam allows such children to be excluded from fasting, says Dr Junina.

The meaning of fasting

Fasting is generally synonymous with abstinence from food but it’s actually more than that – it’s a whole way of life. Besides abstaining from food, children should also be taught to abstain from other things like hurting their siblings and eating in public.

“The benefits of fasting for children are spiritual, so ideally, when you expose them to the practices of Ramadan it is to create an awareness of how fortunate they are and how less fortunate some people are,” says Dr Junina. “This will teach them the meaning of compassion.”

For children who are too young to understand the concept of fasting, they may feel that the fasting month is a month of torture. They will resort to cheating by eating in their bedroom or bathroom, and drinking tap water when they take ablution.

“Respect their limitations and encourage them to do the best they can,” advises Dr Junina. Parents do not have to worry or fret if their child is unable to do everything right, as the time will come when they reach puberty. With puberty comes the maturity to accept, understand and better practise the act of fasting. They will do what is needed for them throughout the fasting month often on their own free will.”

Tips for parents

  1. Wake your children up for sahur as late as possible.
  2. Make sure they drink enough water, as well as nourishing drinks like milk.
  3. Make sure they eat enough – buka puasa and sahur should consist of 2 main meals like dinner and lunch, with healthy snacks in between.
  4. Always encourage and support their efforts – don’t judge them. Instead, let them break their fast when they want to, at their own pace and capability.

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Nipping Obesity in the Bud

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Nipping Obesity in the Bud

May 1, 2022   Return

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As of February this year, it was found that 1-in-10 Malaysians under the age of 18 were either overweight or obese. As if this revelation wasn’t alarming enough, statistics also noted that the number of overweight children had doubled over the last four years, with the latest number standing in at 1 million children!

Although some parents may be quick to brush these extra kilos off as something that their children will grow out of, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Unlike some things such as teenage acne, excess weight will not stop at childhood. Overweight children are very likely to become overweight adults if nothing is done about it. And with this comes a significantly increased risk of various health issues such as reproductive problems, diabetes, heart disease and sleep apnea.

So, it begets the question: what can children and their parents do to tackle this hefty issue? Now before he sheds light on the solutions, Mark Williams who is the official coach of the Standard Chartered KL Marathon (SCKLM) 2016 says it is crucial to first recognize the causal factors.

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Weighing in on the matter

Commenting on the worrying obesity trend, Mark says, “I was recently the keynote speaker for a well-known insurance company that had released a new life assurance package whereby your premiums would be lowered if you could prove that you were keeping yourself fit and healthy. My speech, therefore, was based on the current state of health and fitness in Malaysia so I did an awful lot of research on this matter.”

“Although it’s great to see Malaysia developing so rapidly, it has unfortunately come with some side-effects – one of them being obesity. I believe diet and sedentary lifestyle play important roles in this. People are now working longer hours so they spend most of their time sitting at their desk. Also, they don’t have much time to cook their own meals so they make do with fast food, which is so readily available especially in towns and cities. They also eat rather late in the evening which is never good. When food is consumed late at night, the body is more likely to store these calories as fat. Hence, people end up gaining weight. I find that there is such a fascination with food here in Malaysia that I’ve never encountered anywhere else in the world. I notice that food is to Malaysians what the weather is to us English – a topic for small talk!”

It takes two

These unhealthy lifestyle habits subsequently spill over to children. “Children are heavily influenced by their parents. So, why not turn things around by setting a good example for your kids; don’t depend on schools to teach your kids about healthy living. You may not win your kids over at first but keep reminding them about what is healthy and what isn’t. When they grow more independent and start making their own choices, they’ll be more educated and make choices that hopefully lead to a healthier life,” he enthuses.

However, Mark is quick to add that the responsibility of instilling healthy habits in children doesn’t lie solely on the shoulders of any particular party. “All aspects of a child’s environment have an effect on the child. It’s unfair for any party, be it parents or an educational establishment to put the onus for understanding healthy living on the other. “But parents do have the greatest interaction with them and the home is essentially where decisions on healthy living are ultimately made. This is why I believe change starts with parents,” he emphasizes.

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Let’s move it, move it

Discussing the kind of physical activities he would recommend for children, Mark says, “Anything that involves fun! Get out and about, and just let your kids run. For instance, take them to a playground. Don’t underestimate what children can do at a playground. A playground is practically a gym for children so give them access to one as much as possible!”

While Mark doesn’t disagree with the idea of having exercise routines for children, he believes there can be too much of a good thing. “Children really shouldn’t have too much of a workout routine. Creating too many routines will bring on boredom – and that’s the last thing you want. What’s important is that you give kids the facilities such as a safe, open field or like mentioned earlier, a playground and they’ll never get bored. Children need to enjoy what they are doing – or else, they will get demotivated. Motivation comes from enjoyment, after all. So, have fun!”

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Starting young

Although SCKLM has always had running clinics for their adult participants, this year marks its first year organizing junior running clinics. “I try to get down to grassroots level and teach child athletes (i.e. 4-9-year-olds) some basic things through fun activities, and help the older ones (i.e. 10-14-year-olds) with their technique through drills and practice.”

Delving further into the subject, Mark says, “Kids will start off with a warm-up comprising some fun activities. This is important to get the system going. They will then be assigned a distance appropriate to their respective ages, which they will run during each session. Their time will be recorded and put up onto the SCKLM website where they will be able to track their progress. Also, there’s no need to worry about facilities. We have a superb facility all to ourselves at the Majlis Sukan Negara (MSN) track in Setiawangsa. What’s more, the team from Dirigo Events will be there lending their support by providing refreshments.”

Taking into account all the great things that these clinics boast, surely the response has been good? “It’s been fantastic! About 80% of those who attended the previous session have returned for a second time. This tells me that they have gotten something out of these junior running clinics. Plus, parents have contacted me via my Instagram page (@markwilliamsadidas) to express how much their children enjoyed the sessions.”

When asked if parents can still sign their children up for these clinics, he says, “I’m afraid that they are all finished for this year, but we plan on conducting more sessions next year so watch this space!”

On the man himself

If Mark seems familiar, it’s very likely because you have seen him in action on the silver screen. Earlier this year, he starred as coach Harry Mountain in the Malaysian hit movie Ola Bola.

Talking about his foray into the entertainment scene, he says, “I play football for a veterans team. One day, our manager asked if anyone would be interested in playing the Arsenal coach in a Malaysian film about football. I auditioned and was told I got the part. But when I met with the assistant director, he informed me that they wanted me to play the role of the Malaysian coach instead. A bit-part role suddenly turned into one with 49 scenes! I was thrilled!”

One might think that making movies is all glitz and glamour but Mark begs to differ. “I was given some acting lessons and away we went. Filming was tough as most of it had to be done at night and I was the only person on set who also had a day job (Mark is Head of Geography at an international school in Sri Kembangan). On some nights at Stadium Merdeka, we would finish – or ‘wrap up’ as it’s called in the film industry – at 7am and I had to be at school by 8am!” But the complexities of filming haven’t dampened his spirits. “I’d love to do more acting. We’ll have to see. Hopefully, you all will see me on the silver screen again!” 

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